Be A Champion Communicator by Becoming a Chameleon

Recently, I worked with a client who was having a problem with some of the women in her organization. The organization had just undergone major changes, which resulted in different reporting relationships for many of the women. The problem was that the women were having trouble effectively communicating with their new bosses.

Before the changes, the women were able to work with their supervisors very successfully. They and their supervisors shared similar communication styles, so they complemented each other quite well. However, when the women were reassigned, their communication styles differed dramatically from those of their new supervisors. Instead of being able to get along with their new bosses, they experienced a lot of conflict every time they spoke to them.

What happened? Why were these women who were so successful in dealing with one type of person having so much trouble dealing with a different type of person? It is because the communication styles no longer matched and when styles don't match, problems are almost certain to develop. (One point worth mentioning ? while we are talking about women in this situation, this problem occurs equally as often with men if they mismatch the people with whom they are communicating).

Many of us make a critical mistake when we interact with others. We believe that everyone perceives the world the same way we do. This assumption can lead to strained relationships, conflict, or worse. People are different and while we may find a large number of people who are like us, we will find an even greater number of people who are not like us.

People make unconscious decisions about whether or not they feel comfortable with us. If our styles of communicating are like theirs, we can usually develop rapport with them easily. However, if our styles are very different from theirs, they feel an unconsciousness sense of tension whenever we are around. Tension between people usually does not lead to successful interactions.

To be champion communicators, we need to change our approach to match the specific style of each individual we wish to influence. This is a powerful way to get people to feel comfortable with us; when people are comfortable with us, they are more willing to be open to what we have to say. There are four major communication styles. While everyone has some of each style incorporated into his or her own unique personality, each of us has a predominant style.

Amiables ? Are very cooperative, they get along with others, they are self-controlled, systematic, stable, patient, perseverant, accommodating, and logical. They are motivated by feeling secure, being part of a team, and feeling appreciated. They dislike conflict, taking risks and change.

Analyticals - Are rational, detail oriented, organized, unemotional, process-oriented, logical, and cautious. They are motivated by being right, doing things themselves, and being noticed for their accuracy. They dislike aggressiveness, conflict, or being forced to make quick decisions.

Drivers - Are aggressive, impatient, and results oriented. They are motivated by being in control, being number one, having personal choices, fast actions, and change. They dislike details, long drawn out conversations, and not being in charge.

Expressives - Are friendly, talkative, emotional, optimistic, people oriented, and enthusiastic. They are motivated by being liked, having fun, being noticed, and receiving approval. They dislike conflict, details, and focusing only on the business at hand.

When you recognize someone's predominant style (especially if it differs from your own), use that style when communicating with him or her. Going back to our example with the women who were reassigned, most of them used an amiable approach, which is somewhat slow paced. However, most of their new supervisors were drivers who wanted information quickly and succinctly. After learning about different communication styles, the women used a quicker, more results oriented approach with their bosses and they were able to work together successfully.

A champion is someone who can be successful no matter what the circumstances. By adopting a chameleon communication strategy, you can change your style to match the person you are with and then you can be a champion too.

Della Menechella is a speaker, author, and trainer who helps organizations achieve greater success by improving the performance of their people. She is a contributing author to Thriving in the Midst of Change and the author of the videotape The Twelve Commandments of Goal Setting. She can be reached at della@dellamenechella.com. Subscribe to free Peak Performance Pointers e-zine - send blank e-mail to subscribe@dellamenechella.com.

---

Choosing an Apprentice

Along the path from where you are now to millions in revenue, thousands in readers, tens of thousands of prospects, or hundreds of clients -- whatever criteria... Read More

Searching For Your Calling ? Quest or Curse?

Judging by the extraordinarily positive reader response to Po Bronson's What Should I Do With My Life?, people are aching for a sympathetic outlook on their stories... Read More

Lessons from Donald Trump and The Apprentice: A Career Coachs Perspective

What can we learn about careers from watching Donald Trump and The Apprentice?1. Recognize that job tests don't always correspond to job realities.Hundreds of companies screen candidates... Read More

Training is Not the Same Thing as Exercising

What it takes to GROW!In almost every workshop we deliver, we try to teach the principle that the mind is a muscle. What does this mean? Well,... Read More

A Small Piece Of Carpet

Have you ever noticed how the way you feel about yourself sometimes depends on whether or not you get confirmation of your value from others? When you... Read More

Voice Care for Coaches

Coaches rely heavily on their voice to service clients. If you also give teleclasses or workshops, voice maintenance needs to be one of their top self-care priorities.... Read More

Why Daily Planning is So Important for Adults with ADD

For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a drag. We tend to see the big picture and want to jump straight to the finish line,... Read More

The Incredible Rightness of Being

An Age-Old QuestionSearching for more meaning in our lives has been an age-old preoccupation for us humans. Why am I here? What am I meant to do?... Read More

The Top 10 BEST Things About Having a Coach

Obviously, there are many wonderful things about having a personal coach to support and encourage you. Everyone develops their own working relationship with their coach, and each... Read More

Its Story Time! - Find the Power Within, or The Truth About Dogs

I heard a story recently, and wanted to share it with you. It goes something like this:Once upon a time...The chief was sitting at the edge of... Read More

Life - Is It Just An Illusion?

It's a well-known fact that electrons and atoms move at the speed of light, technically flickering in and out of existence. In other words, half of the... Read More

Not Blind, Just No Vision

Helen Keller once remarked that there was one thing she knew of that was worse than being blind; it was to be able to see but have... Read More

Attitude is Contagious - Would Anybody Want Yours?

Are you using the Life Potential you have been given? Or are you just existing?We have all inherited standards, traits, habits, perceptions, and expectations based on what... Read More

Becoming An Information Filter And A Knowledge Sponge

As the title states, "Become an Information Filter and a Knowledge Sponge." On your daily journey to achieve your WHY, you will travel through many different avenues... Read More

We Are the Five People We Associate with Most

Last month I was invited to participate in a charity golf tournament in Las Vegas to celebrate the life of the late dancing legend Gregory Hines. The... Read More

Empowering Vision

Playing Our Part:Sir Michael Costa was conducting a rehearsal, in which the orchestra was joined in a great chorus. About half way through the session, with the... Read More

Control, Helplessness, and Love

During my 35 years of counseling individuals, couples, families and business partners, I have discovered that an important purpose of our controlling behavior in our relationships is... Read More

Top Ways to Maximize Your Talents at Work

Are you maximizing your strengths and promoting your talents at work? If you have sharp analytical skills, have you sought to apply those skills to your current... Read More

How To Deal With People Who Dislike You

When you read books on personal development and articles about making your life better the emphasis is generally on the positive.You learn all about deciding what you... Read More

Anger: To Control or To Learn

Many of us will do anything to avoid another's anger, yet may be quick to anger ourselves. Many of us dread another's anger yet continue to use... Read More

The Value of Coaching to Support Your Business and Your Life

In our daily lives as well as in our businesses, we typically operate from the perspective of doing the best we know how to do in dealing... Read More

Do You Make These Common Mistakes When Talking to People?

Many moons ago. Talking to people was something I avoided where possible.At the time, I did not know I was unconsciously setting myself up for failure. I... Read More

Stay Connected To WHY You Are Doing Things

"The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work." Richard BachThis quote was shared with me by a fellow coach & colleague.... Read More

Three Great Ways to Deal with Negative People

1. Do not believe everything you hear!With close friends and family it is not unusual to think that you ought to take onboard everything you hear. However... Read More

Communicating Anger Compassionately

Whether it is irritability or unmitigated rage, anger is an emotion everyone knows about. Unfortunately, few people have been taught how to mange this feeling in an... Read More

We Are Exactly Where We Choose to Be

The idea for this month's newsletter came from an unlikely encounter: I recently had lunch with a new friend named Rick Rockwell. You may remember him as... Read More