Do You Want to Impress Others? Then Don?t Talk ?Listen

Recently my friend Michelle was concerned about a professional conference she was planning to attend with her husband, a veterinarian. She has no background in veterinary science, so she did not think she would be able to effectively communicate with the people at the conference. I asked her why she thought she had to use technical jargon when she spoke to the other conference attendees. She responded that she wanted them to think well of her. Michelle is a warm, caring individual who is genuinely interested in others. I assured her that she could effectively relate to the people she met by asking them questions about themselves and their businesses instead of trying to impress them with her knowledge of veterinary science.

Many people, especially in business situations, are very concerned about what they say to others. Before an event, they might even think of things to say about themselves so others will perceive them in a positive light. They try to dazzle people with stories about their successes hoping this will impress them. What they may not realize is that most of us are not that interested in the accomplishments of other people. We are, however, very interested in our own achievements and we relish the opportunity to describe them (often in great detail) to anyone who will lend an ear. Unfortunately, we don't usually get the chance to do so because most people are more interested in talking than listening.

Listening is an under appreciated aspect of communication. When you carefully listen to others, you impress them in ways that talking can never accomplish. You are letting them know you care about them and they appreciate it. How many people have come up to you lately and said, "You're listening to me too intently. You're valuing what I say too much. You're making me feel too good, so stop it now!" I don't think you've had a long line of people with this complaint and I doubt that you ever will. People are starving for the attention that conscious listening can give. These people include prospects, clients, supervisors, co-workers, family and friends.

Most people are so unaccustomed to being listened to that when someone takes the time to do so, they are often amazed. My friend Sandy is a professional coach. She listens carefully to what her clients say about their fears, hopes, and dreams. When she relates back to them what they have just said, they will often respond "How did you know that? You're so intuitive. You have such great people skills." They attribute Sandy's comments to the fact that she must be a tremendously talented coach to be able to know them so well when, in fact, all she did was listen.

The key to being an outstanding communicator is not so much the words of wisdom that come out of your mouth, but how well you listen to the words of wisdom that come out of the mouths of others. As for Michelle, she listened intently to the people that she met at the conference and soon had them eating out of her hand.

About The Author

Della Menechella is a speaker, author, and trainer who inspires people to achieve greater success from the inside out. She is a contributing author to Thriving in the Midst of Change and the author of the videotape The Twelve Commandments of Goal Setting. She can be reached at della@dellamenechella.com. Subscribe to free Peak Performance Pointers e-zine - send blank e-mail to mailto:subscribe@dellamenechella.com.

---

Ten Ways to Make New Years Resolutions That You Can Actually Keep!

Are you one of the millions of people who make big New Year's Resolutions each year, only to watch those resolutions fall by the wayside mere days... Read More

What Do You Have To Give?

"Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about... Read More

A Small Piece Of Carpet

Have you ever noticed how the way you feel about yourself sometimes depends on whether or not you get confirmation of your value from others? When you... Read More

Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)?

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." - Samuel JohnsonI was on a tele-seminar... Read More

How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer ? Part C for Client!

My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in... Read More

Do You Make Less Money Than Your Taller Peers?

A recent study at the University of Florida found that over the span of their careers short people earn less money than their taller counterparts. In terms... Read More

Budda In Your Back Pocket

The other day I was late for something. Not very late. In fact, I was actually on time but an angry voice berated me anyway, saying, "You... Read More

Help! I Need to Make a Decision!

Many people who come to my office say they have a difficult time making decisions. I have developed a process to help my clients master this skill.... Read More

Using Audio Programs to Increase Your Knowledge and Productivity

If you do any significant amount of driving, a simple thing you can do to increase your productivity is to listen to audio programs in your car.... Read More

Are You Addicted to Anger?

Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their... Read More

Are You Invisible?

Ellen was brought up to be invisible. She was taught to be very tuned into others' feelings and needs, but to never have any of her own.... Read More

A Quick Checklist for Improving Your Life

1. Learn About YouIf you don't know who you are and why you think and act the way you do, it's gonna be really difficult to make... Read More

Diverse Marketing Strategies for Those Living with Disabilities

Imagine yourself as the only means of financially supporting you. A little scary isn't it? In today's economy, it is difficult living on a single income. This... Read More

Coaching Skills Does Matter At Chick?fil-A

In this discussion, we talk about Coaching Skills with Phil Orazi, Dean of Chick-fil-A University and Scott Mayson, Business Consultant with Chick-fil-A in Atlanta, Georgia. Q ?... Read More

Listen To Me Lad Says Jack

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, when I was first starting out as an apprentice engineer, I was told to sit next to Jack.Jack... Read More

Do You Make These Common Mistakes When Talking to People?

Many moons ago. Talking to people was something I avoided where possible.At the time, I did not know I was unconsciously setting myself up for failure. I... Read More

Success at Work : People Skills : Complaining

Do you know an individual at work who is a chronic complainer? Are YOU a chronic complainer? People don't like complainers. Listening to a chronic complainer gets... Read More

Choosing an Apprentice

Along the path from where you are now to millions in revenue, thousands in readers, tens of thousands of prospects, or hundreds of clients -- whatever criteria... Read More

A Beginner To Beginners

You may be just starting, or contemplating, your first online business. Or, just like me, you may be trying out yet another online business scheme.No doubt you... Read More

How to Choose the Right Coach for You

So you want to hire a coach but with so many choices it's easy to feel overwhelmed. How do you find the coach that is right for... Read More

The Difference Between Approval and Appreciation

Having worked with individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, helping them learn to resolve conflict, I have often been faced with the difficulties that... Read More

What The Buddha Says About Coaches

There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill it." This means to kill any concept of the... Read More

Great Advice

It never ceases to amaze me that every time I give a speech, do a seminar, or talk with people one-on-one, I get inundated with questions seeking... Read More

Can You Say No?

As a manager you are constantly being asked to do things - by your boss, by one of your fellow managers, by the head of another department,... Read More

6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care

Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many... Read More

10 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before I Went Into the Real World

I must confess, I laughed when I saw that Maria Shriver has come out with a book called, "Ten Things I Wish I Had Known Before Going... Read More