Worth Waiting For

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002

I am a 31-year-old virgin male. At times I feel sexually frustrated because I've never been intimate with a woman. The only experience I ever had was a nice French kiss in high school.

I'm overweight and don't see myself as being worthy of a relationship as I am. But after years of neglect and ignoring myself, I am now making changes to my health which will improve my self-image.

I am not attracted to men. If I see a woman on the street I find attractive, I see someone who might be a good person, a good friend and a good soul. With all that, I have the normal fantasies a guy has when he sees a woman.

I live in a small town with no social life but come alive when I am in a bigger city. I also find women look at me and smile, and it's an ego boost. I am considering going to an escort just to experience what I should have experienced 15 years ago.

There's a woman I talk to by e-mail who knows I'm a virgin. She mentioned she didn't see anything wrong in that and said I need to gain something I might have lost, and that's confidence. She's hinted about us, but hints can be read wrong.

I don't know if I'm asking for answers or advice, but I believe in the phrase "good things come to those who wait."

Grady

Grady, we are all on different schedules. On the unknown calendar of your life, there is much to come. You will always remember your first sexual experience, so there is no reason to link it to money.

For a woman, not having a sexual past means you don't come with unhealthy or sordid sexual baggage. Men feel embarrassed if they don't have locker room stories to tell, but there is nothing in it for a woman to be a "good time girl."

Not to be stereotypical or old-fashioned, but women want love and strong emotional ties. They want a relationship with a future. Only then comes the desire for intimacy. Love is what will make you attractive to a woman.

You already know your goal. Get yourself physically fit and pursue what attracts you with passion. If you've been fishing in too small a pool, it may be time to move to the lake. Many of the happiest people are those who once felt life had passed them by.

Tamara

Another Chapter

I'm going through a difficult time. I'm in my early 40s, and my 21-year-old son just graduated from college with honors. He is a wonderful man and my only child.

It was difficult when my husband and I took him to college four years ago. The school is quite far away, and I missed him more than words could ever express. My husband was very supportive, and eventually I came out of my funk.

Now I am back in the same place. My husband is a loving, caring man but my son is far away. Eventually I will get over this, but for now I am overwhelmingly sad.

Grace

Grace, you sound like a woman with a lot of love to give, and we live in a world where so many people need nurturing. You did such a wonderful job with your son he no longer needs you as he did when he was a child.

One woman I know raised three children of her own, and in addition raised more than 20 foster children. Each Christmas a dozen or more of her foster children come from all over the country with their families to share the holiday with her.

Perhaps giving to others will ease your sense of loss, or perhaps you will be drawn to something else. But in this world we can never think that we have walked the last mile.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Finding Peace: A Taste of Mindfulness

When we are ill and don't know it, we are in a state of ignorance or delusion. We don't view ourselves as sick, so we don't believe... Read More

The Power of Storytelling

Each and every day as we are building our businesses, we all know the key to a successful presentation is a product being sold to the end-line... Read More

What Do You Have To Give?

"Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. It comes from appreciating what we have, instead of being miserable about... Read More

Listen To Me Lad Says Jack

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, when I was first starting out as an apprentice engineer, I was told to sit next to Jack.Jack... Read More

Permission To Have FUN

? Have you been working long hours? ? Have you been managing 10 (or more) tasks at once? ? Are you combining several different personal and... Read More

Discover The Coach Within You

One of the three basic roles of leadership is the coach or mentor. The best boss is often the best coach. (See: http://tlc-leadership.com/the_three_faces_of_leadership). In sports the coach... Read More

What is the Success Lesson in this Story?

One of my clients gave me permission to tell you his story.Jim called me 9 months ago and asked for help.For the last 5 years Jim desperately... Read More

Transitions: Moving Through Change With Grace

MOVING THROUGH CHANGECreating any major change in our lives can also create feelings of discomfort. Tiredness, confusion, and uncertainty are among the many emotions that can be... Read More

Strategic Checklists

I've been through a couple of checklists in the past few days, and it's reaffirmed my faith in their effectiveness as a communication tool.Now, there are at... Read More

Its Not What You Think

My work in organizations involves dropping habitual ways of perceiving in order to contact a fresh and subtle perceiving "under the surface" of what is going on.... Read More

How to Crack a Daunting Task!

If you have a daunting task and the mere thought of it overwhelms you, it's probably too big to implement directly and should be broken down into... Read More

Coaching Can Help Teachers At A Crossroads In Their Careers

Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others, but after years in the field it can lose its luster. If it's no longer offering satisfaction... Read More

How to Coach Yourself!

Some people are not in a position to work with a coach right now. Some are stretched financially, while some are still using the "lone ranger" method.... Read More

Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous

I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up... Read More

Are You Worth Investing In?

Do you realise that if you're green you're growing and if you're ripe you're rotten? So says Winston Marsh, Business Marketing Guru in his recent newsletter.Here's an... Read More

Learn to Say No!

How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn't want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you... Read More

Guilt By Association & Wealth By It Too!

"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art." - Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.Growing up I often heard my... Read More

4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted

No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get you to do more... Read More

Self-Defense Within Martial Arts Training Demands a Real-World Perspective

This story is being offered in response to a request made by my teacher, Soke (Grand Master) Masaaki Hatsumi, during a recent training visit to Japan. During... Read More

The Power of a Scope

We all know the power of a scope if you need to focus in on a target and hit it. We all need to develop and truly... Read More

The Student Who Knew Too Much

This article is for those of you who coach or mentor. Does this sound familiar? "Can't I just try to mail or email, do I really have... Read More

Miscommunication - Root Cause of Problems?

People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and fights. It's that situation when one thinks he has the right concept while the other one also... Read More

Living In The Now

I hope you are sitting down as you read this! You cannot begin to work on this kind of subject without addressing the subject of time itself... Read More

Attitude

What makes attitude so important? Why not just learn some "seduction techniques" to get the girl? The answer is simple: learning techniques (or having expensive clothing and... Read More

Freedom for All; Is it Possible?

Freedom for all species and people, and freedom of stress; is it possible? Could the Internet be a tool to getting there?Freedom, what is it? I am... Read More

How to Choose the Right Coach for You

So you want to hire a coach but with so many choices it's easy to feel overwhelmed. How do you find the coach that is right for... Read More