Mr. Cheapies Frugal Budget Tips

So you feel like a hamster spinning your wheel? The faster you run, the faster the wheel spins. Just when you get a raise, you notice the price of hamster wheels jumps!

Mr. Cheapie is here with his super-charged budget-cutting tips.

One of the biggest wastes of money is restaurant meals. You can cook a meal at home for about 2 cents a plate. Just put leftovers in the microwave, and Presto!

Those same leftovers cost a lot more at a restaurant. They call it "the buffet", and they sell it to you for $10.95.

Consider also the steak dinner that costs, say, $7 at home. At the restaurant, you pay $13.95 for the same meal. Or, if you want fancy napkins, $39.95.

Plus tax.

Funny thing about eating at home; you don't pay tax. But step into a restaurant, and guess who jumps in: "Hello, my name is Taxman. I'll be your waiter tonight. Would you like to start with something to drink? Perhaps a very nice glass of wine? That will be 50 cents, plus the price of the wine, of course."

"Why would you tax my wine?" Mr. Cheapie wonders. "It's not like the government made it."

"Who do you think keeps this country free and safe so that you can enjoy your wine?" Taxman demands. "Do you think Saddam Hussein would let you drink wine if he was still in power?"

"I don't see how he could stop me."

"Hah!" Taxman replies. "He has spies everywhere. He knows you drink wine and he has targeted this very bottle to self destruct."

"Actually, I don't drink wine. His spies must run on the same technology as his scud missiles," Mr. Cheapie muses. "How about a steak dinner?"

"An excellent choice," Taxman beams. "That will be $1.73, plus the price of the meal."

"Now what?" Mr. Cheapie demands. "Are you saying that Saddam is targeting my steak."

"Of course not," Taxman giggles. "We have him locked away. But watch out for North Korea."

"Why?"

"North Koreans are starving," Taxman explains. "They don't have steaks."

"Ah, so the North Korean government wants to take my steak and give it to their citizens."

"Not a chance. That would violate the official North Korean policy of starvation for all. They would never feed your steak to the people. But they would hold it up to taunt them," Taxman grins. "Then they would throw it into the fire to fuel a nuclear missile trained on this very table you are sitting at."

"Which is why you need to tax my steak."

"Exactly," Taxman nods.

"It's like a security deposit."

"That's right," Taxman smiles.

"It's protection money."

"You understand," Taxman winks.

"It's your tip."

"That's what I sa ... no it's not! It's national defense," Taxman insists.

At home, you never have to tip the microwave. But, at the restaurant, your waiter expects 15%.

Mr. Cheapie has discovered a legal loophole to save 15% on your restaurant bill. According to a national Mr. Cheapie survey, your plate usually has 15% too much food on it. Set aside 15% of your meal. When your waiter comes to collect his tip, pay him in food. Your waiter raved about today's special, so Mr. Cheapie is sure he will appreciate having some for himself.

If Taxman is your waiter, don't actually give him the food. Just taunt him with it -- then mail it to North Korea. Then they won't have to blow up your table to get it themselves. Why pay for national defense when the postal service can protect your freedom to eat for just the cost of a stamp?

Aren't you glad Mr. Cheapie offers such useful, free advice?

About The Author

David Leonhardt - sign up for his weekly satire column up at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html or read more columns at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html.

Join in the happiness at http://www.thehappyguy.com, info@thehappyguy.com

---

Senate Passes New Bankruptcy Law

The United States Senate passed a law on March 10, 2005 that changes the bankruptcy laws in America. It is expected that the House of Representatives will... Read More

New Bankruptcy Law ? Where?s the Consumer Protection?

On April 20, 2005, President Bush signed into law the Bankruptcy Abuse and Consumer Protection Act, a piece of sweeping legislation that brought about the most sweeping... Read More

Should You Join a CCCS - Consumer Credit Counseling Service for Debt Relief and Financial Freedom?

Do You Need to Join a CCCS - Consumer Credit Counseling Service?Are you in a "debt hell"? If you are unsure, ask yourself these questions:Do you have... Read More

Bank Like a Banker

The business of banking has changed dramatically over the last decade. Because the cost of doing business the old-fashioned way is no longer effective, banks are interested... Read More

The 7 Secrets to Getting?and Staying?Out of Debt

As vice president of the American Credit Foundation, a nonprofit organization that helps individuals and families manage their debt, Mike Peterson knows firsthand how financial problems can... Read More

IVA Information

If you're thinking about an IVA, it is essential to get the best information possible. This is because although an IVA can be a manageable way to... Read More

Debt Problems? You Can Negotiate With Your Creditors

It is always possible to negotiate with creditors ? even if they have already taken you to court to get a judgment or to garnish your wages.Getting... Read More

Mr. Cheapies Frugal Budget Tips

So you feel like a hamster spinning your wheel? The faster you run, the faster the wheel spins. Just when you get a raise, you notice the... Read More

New Bankruptcy Law ? Five Essential Things to Know

Last April, Congress passed the Bankruptcy Abuse and Consumer Protection Act, the most sweeping reform of our nation's bankruptcy laws in more than twenty-five years. Proponents of... Read More

The Last Debt Solution Should Be Bankruptcy

A debt solution like bankruptcy should really only be used as a last possible solution. The problem with this solution of debt problems is that it includes... Read More

Bankruptcy ? Bankruptcy Myths

Bankruptcy has long been a big question mark in the eyes of the consumer. After all they don't teach us about bankruptcy in school. More often than... Read More

How to Become Debt Free

In today's consumer society it is all too easy to get into debt. If you have a few credit cards, car loan, mortgage and possibly student loans... Read More

Credit Counseling ? Signs That You May Need Help

Credit counseling is a viable option for those who are feeling the stress of being overwhelmed by debt. Credit counseling primarily offers assistance with working out a... Read More

Assess Your Financial Attitude and Eliminate Your Debt Forever

Want to know if your attitude towards your finances is helping you or damaging your future? Take this Quiz and find out...I consider myself out of debt... Read More

Is There Any Way To Get Out Of Debt?

In this era where we are bombarded daily with commercials on television, radio, billboards, through email, not to forget the flyers slipped under the car's wiper blades... Read More

What Does A Bankruptcy Trustee Do?

Once you file bankruptcy a court appointed bankruptcy trustee will oversee your case. The new law also requires that the bankruptcy petitioner to take a debtor education... Read More

How to Negotiate Debt Settlements

Knowing how to negotiate debt settlements is the key to securing your financial future. Debt negotiation is the process where in you will contact your creditors and... Read More

How To Get Out Of Debt

If you have found yourself in a position where you are in serious debt and cannot think of a way out of the situation, then take a... Read More

Debt Elimination

If you're reading this article right now I'm sure that you are looking for a debt elimination system that will help you get out from under you... Read More

Bankruptcy 101

Bankruptcy still remains a mystery in the eyes of many consumers. This article will review the facts of bankruptcy as per written law.Some of the information in... Read More

The 5 Secrets to Getting Out of Debt Fast

As they stare down at a teetering pile of bills, so many consumers wonder how they racked up such a large debt. The answer boils down to... Read More

How to Get Triple A Credit in 25 Days

Good credit is everyone's dream. A wise use of credit can go a long way. It certainly makes certain goals in life (like acquiring business loan from... Read More

How to Reduce Your Debt in 5 Easy Steps

If you have incurred substantial personal debt, consider these options: budgeting, debt consolidation, credit counselling from a reputable organization and working with your creditors. You will need... Read More

Is Debt Negotiation Bad?

Educating yourself about the ins and outs of debt negotiation is a good first step. Please note that the term 'debt negotiation' is also known as debt... Read More

Reduce Your Debt

Do you want to reduce your debt? Having trouble paying your bills? Getting dunning notices from creditors? Are your accounts being turned over to debt collectors? Are... Read More

Slowing Spending - The Key To Your Debt Plans Success

Anyone who embarks on a debt reduction program should know the rules for success. There are two. You need to stop adding to your debt. You need... Read More