Beyond A Mothers Nightmare To Radical Forgiveness

It was a moment I will never forget.

On February 22, 2003, I was visiting with my son Brian Michael (http://www.BrianMichaelGuthrie.com) at his home in North Carolina, where I had been since Christmas. Brian had had an accident at work a few days earlier and hurt his back, so I was keeping an eye on him.

At 7:00 am on that Saturday morning, I went into Brian's room just to check on him - you know the way mothers check just to see if their children are breathing when they're sleeping - even if he was 26 years old. I couldn't see his chest moving, so I touched his arm. He felt cold, but I thought sometimes our skin feels cold when we are outside of the covers.

Then I felt his face and it was cool too. I shook his shoulder just a little, afraid to shake harder for fear of disturbing him because he had been in so much pain with his back. I thought maybe he would wiggle just a little and I would know he was okay. He didn't.

I walked calmly into the bedroom where my husband, Dennis, was sleeping. I told Dennis I couldn't wake up Brian and asked if he would come and see if he could wake him. Dennis came and tried. He couldn't wake him.

I dialed 911 and told them I could not wake my son. They asked about my name, address, etc. and I asked them to please send an ambulance right now. They said it was on the way. The operator asked if I wanted to try CPR and I said my husband would try. He pushed on Brian's chest, but it didn't move. He tried to open his mouth and he couldn't. Dennis looked at me and sadly said "I'm sorry."

It was a moment I will never forget.

All the moments that followed are a blur. I remember several policemen in the house and they were asking questions. I felt like I was in a dream. My sister came before they took Brian away, and she and I had to argue with the police offers to get back into Brian's room to say goodbye before they took him away.

I remember that I leaned across the bed and hugged Brian's chest and I said, "I love you and I FORGIVE you."

I've always wondered why I told him I forgave him. I even felt guilty for having said it.

A year and a half later I was introduced to a story, Jill's Story, an excerpt from a book, Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping, and my perspective began to change. I began to understand. I realized that as I was saying goodbye to Brian I was "radically forgiving" him, acknowledging that my spiritual self knew that it was time for him to go and that his life had served a great purpose in my life.

Of course, I didn't realize any of that when I said those words to Brian.

There's more...

On that Saturday morning, after my Brian's body had been taken away, my husband, my sister and I went over to Brian's grandparents to tell them about Brian. I hardly remember exactly how we told them, but I remember my mother screamed "Oh, God NO!"

There was a mandatory autopsy which took more than five months to be finalized and the results are still not clear. The autopsy indicates that the pain medication prescribed for Brian's back injury interacted with another prescription he was taking for a bi-polar disorder and caused a toxic level in his blood.

However, his grandparents and his friends were not able to see his face and say goodbye.

We made funeral arrangements the next day and I took Brian's favorite clothes and shoes to the funeral home, along with his favorite gel for his hair and a photograph of how he liked his hair styled.

The next day we were scheduled to go to the Funeral Home for a private viewing before the public visitation in the evening. The funeral director called to ask if we wanted Brian's mustache shaved. Brian had no mustache, but we thought he must have been talking about growth since Brian had been in bed for 3 days, so we said yes, clean shaven.

Later I learned that my sister was also called and told that Brian's hair seemed too long for the hair gel and the style of the picture we provided. The funeral director also described a tattoo... and it was not Brian's. My sister went to the funeral home and found that the funeral home had the wrong body. It was not Brian.

We learned that the bodies of two young men, both autopsied at the same hospital, had been transported to the wrong funeral homes. The family of the other young man had requested immediate cremation ? so my Brian's body had already been cremated.

At that point, the funeral director came to our house and through tears told us that the bodies had been mixed up and that Brian had been cremated. He asked how we would like to proceed. I told him I didn't want to change anything. I wanted the ashes to be buried in the casket as planned. Brian's grandfather had made special arrangements for a burial plot for Brian next to where he and Brian's grandmother will one day be buried, and that is where we all wanted him buried.

We went to the visitation scheduled that evening and of course had to explain to everyone why Brian's body was not there. We put pictures and letters and poems in the casket. I put Brian's new glasses that he loved so much and his favorite book (Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg), that a woman had given to him in the airport the year before while he was waiting in the airport to fly home from spending a week with us in Michigan for Thanksgiving. He felt he had experienced a miracle in meeting the woman who gave him the book. Brian was a writer and he wanted so much to write a book, so this little book was very special to him.

There were many people involved in the events that occurred in conjunction with Brian's passing and the subsequent accidental cremation. It all seemed just too incredible to be true. How could this possibly happen to Brian and to me and my family?

I may never completely understand the purpose of these events, but as I continue to embrace the principles of Radical Forgiveness, it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that everything that happens is in divine order. There is no one to forgive.

I believe it is Brian's gift to me of helping me to know that part of my life's work is to share the concepts of Radical Forgiveness. Since I read Jill's Story and Radical Forgiveness I have felt powerfully driven and compelled to learn and share these concepts, which mean much more than what we know as traditional "forgiveness."

You are invited to read "Jill's Story," the first chapter of from Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping at http://www.ArtOfRadicalForgiveness.com

May the concepts and principles of Radical Forgiveness make a difference in your life too.

Copyright 2005 Linda Miller is a Spiritual Entrepreneur whose quest is to empower others to deliberately create true abundance and prosperity while contributing to increasing the consciousness of the world. This article may be distributed freely, provided that this resource box is included in its entirety.

http://www.SpiritualEntrepreneurToday.com
http://www.MyDivineDirection.com

This article may be shared in print or electronically, provided the resource box at the end is included. A courtesy copy of your publication will be appreciated.

---

Dealing With Tragedies (The 9/11 Tragedy)

September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in world history. Whatever innocence was left in the world was lost on that fateful day.On lesser numeric... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me, I was with my daddy when his spirit left his body. I drove him to the emergency... Read More

How To Heal Your Heart

We all experience severe heart break at some time in our lives. For many it happens in childhood or adolescence, the time when we are most vulnerable.... Read More

Handicapped From Suicide

I am 23 years old. I come from a large family. I have 2 brothers (6 and 7), and 3 sisters (2months, 17, and 21). We are... Read More

One Womans Way of Dealing With Grief

All of us at one time or another have felt grief: perhaps over a lost job, lost love, or the most heartbreaking, the death of someone we... Read More

The Valley of Sorrow or My Life as a Well Digger

It felt like I had been run over by a freight train. I was stunned. I was in shock. I was crying hysterically. But it was really... Read More

Tenderizing

Recently, the magazine I own and edit got a hate letter that was so full of venom and hostility, it gave me shivers. The ultra-religious lady who... Read More

Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief

The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states through which the dying patient goes. It is also true that the recently bereaved and the about... Read More

After Suicide: Returning to Life, Thanks to an Owl

Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did.When Arlyn died, I knew I would never laugh again. After all, my child had taken her own... Read More

On Empathy

The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to imagine oneself in anther's place and understand the other's feelings, desires, ideas, and actions. It is a... Read More

Physiological Consequences of Carrying Emotional Trauma

Although many of us carry some form of emotional trauma in our bodies, and therefore in our energy fields, do we ever really stop to question the... Read More

New Tears [about Grievng--with commentary]

New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it matter so? Days, like tear drops-Slip and slide, and go.I sit looking out my windowLittle do I... Read More

Who has the Worst Pain

During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved people, one of the most frequent questions I have been asked is, "Who has the worst pain?"... Read More

How Can I Transform Tragedy?

There is only one place where tragedy occurs, and that is in the mind. Tragedy may appear to you on the physical level, however, it is the... Read More

Online Monument ? An Ever-lasting Tribute to Your Departed Loved Ones

Memories are never to be buried along with the loss of our very loved ones. To be forever remembered as someone whom we always love, they always... Read More

How to Deal with Suffering

Reflect upon the following questions, and answer those you feel might be most important for those who are most concerned about this topic.QUESTIONNAIRE ON HOW TO COPE... Read More

An Unexpected Letter

It was a couple of weeks after Christmas, and I was standing by my mailbox in the vestibule of the apartment building where I lived in Lexington,... Read More

In the Blink of an Eye

Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can see the sky." Sally Reed, cancer survivorThirty five years ago this weekend, my father died. Killed when... Read More

Dying at Home ? A Precious Gift

Few of us care to think about the inevitability of our own demise. We except that we are not immortal, however for the most part, we are... Read More

Graceful Grief: Angelic Help is on the Way!

I believe that major change and loss in our lives is a door to grow ourselves, to become more loving, compassionate and accepting towards others and ourselves.... Read More

How My Four Your Old Son Reacted To The Death Of His Great Nanny Biscuits

My nan was called Margaret and lived until the age of eighty eight. Unfortunately she died in hospital and this article describes how my son reacted to... Read More

If Ever It Is Me

With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer's I can't help but wonder if someday it will be my fate. This is... Read More

Do You Know Someone Whos Dying?

Too many people are dying alone?The dying are one of society's most unrecognized and under-served groups. As individuals near the end of life they are often ignored,... Read More

What this Rabbi Learned from Not being Re-hired

It's a familiar story, and I have been through it before, and so have you. In January the Synagogue Personnel Committee told me that they were recommending... Read More

Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On Death and Dying and later went on to launch the Hospice movement in America. Even though her... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 1

Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among... Read More