5 Keys to Understanding Why Your Life (probably) Sucks! #3

The outcome of Reason # 2 is that you become your own worst enemy. That, in turn, leads on to Reason # 3 where

You place more value on doing than being

If you are at war with yourself, chances are you don't like yourself very much. How many other people who call you to account, who expect more of you than what you achieve are on your best friends list? That fact is as true in your relationship with yourself as it is in your relationships with other people.

The trouble is, you can distance yourself from others; you have to live with yourself. So, one of the ways to come to terms with that reality is to minimise the focus on who you are (which we have determined you don't really like) and increase the focus on what you do.

After all, you can't do much about who you are (or at least so you think) but you can choose what it is you want to do with your life.

There are lots of people who are playing the same game. How often after being introduced to someone does the conversation get around to what you do for a living. In answer to that question, depending on the situation, I often answer "breathe".

I get some very strange looks at times! I might then follow that up with a comment about who I am and how my understanding of myself finds expression in the type of work I do. If I meet with a glazed expression from the other person, (which happens much of the time) invariably the conversation moves back into 'safe' territory until he (it's most often men who have that response) can find an reason to excuse himself and move to someone less challenging.

Ever so occasionally If find someone who responds positively to my little joke and I have developed long and respected friendships with many of those people.

What happens when someone asks you about your work situation is they are looking for where to place you in their hierarchical structure. And chances are, if you are not where you would like to be in the world of "doing" you will make your employment out to be more than it really is.

For example you might say " I work in the movie industry" when you serve behind the counter at the local video hire store.

On the other hand you'll find people who will say " I'm just a ?.." usually followed by 'housewife' or 'mother' or some equally significant role that forms the very backbone of our social fabric. Have you noticed though, that many women are now 'playing the game' and rather than a 'housewife and mother' they have become the 'manager of domestic affairs for a small business'.

Then, if you are retired, chances, are you are not just retired, but a "retired accountant" or "bank manager" or whatever it was you did before you to the point where you were told you were too old to work

And that, of course, is a large part of the problem. When your worth is related to what you do, rather than who you are, it follows that when you no longer do anything (at least anything considered productive) it follows you are no longer worth anything.

For someone who achieves their sense of self worth from doing, retirement or retrenchment is a devastating blow. Yet no one, at least to my knowledge, in the wisdom that comes when dying has ever said "I wish I spent more time at the office".

Isn't it interesting that those who are faced with a shortening of life, function from a totally different perspective from the rest of us. For those people, it is in 'being' that they find the meaning to life. It is relationships they treasure the most.

Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that it often takes something life a life shortening illness for people to find true perspective and genuine purpose in life.

Graham Hunt is the founder of Prentis Carpenter Center, an organisation established to resource an environment where those people who chose to do so could discover and work towards their potential. One way in which Graham is doing that is through his website http://www.higher-self-esteem-site.com/ Drop by anytime.

---

Happiest Person In America: Whats Sex Got To Do With It?

Who is the happiest person in America? USA Today featured Happiest Person in a cover story in its USA Weekend magazine. Bad news: it's not you. Nor... Read More

You...Your Emotions...Your Relations...Your Happiness and Your Life...

We are living in an era, where relations' management is at its low. If the IT or ITES/BPO industry is promoting relations among the employees?the short duration... Read More

Got Play?

Passion Love Action You! Playing with your own divinity, spirit, heart, and spreading it around you. YES! When I share with people that I'm a play activist,... Read More

SOLD! Again! Contrast Can Work FOR You

Have you ever had an experience where everything you wanted had come to you and THEN you discovered something that seemed to spoil the entire event?That's what... Read More

Create a Balanced Lifestyle and Begin Living a Happier, Healthier and Enriched Life

Are you living a balanced life?Many people are not. Their lives are horribly out of balance and their quality of life is being severely compromised as a... Read More

Free Tips To Improve Self Confidence

1. DRUNK!At the age of sixteen I was invited out for the evening on a Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. This for most people would... Read More

Conversational Negative Self-Talk

Most people don't even know they're doing it. Throughout the course of normal conversation, they bombard themselves with negative self-talk. Even people who are aware of the... Read More

Define Me

We've all had a vision or a great idea and had someone who knows better squash it.We've all decided to clear our debts, but been tempted by... Read More

See for Yourself : 12 Step Tools Can Bring Happy, Joyous and Free into Everyones Life

We are all familiar with or have heard of the many Twelve Step programs and communities. The reason the 12 Steps are so effective in helping people... Read More

The Underestimated Power of Kindness

It was a bright Saturday morning in the late fall. I had stopped at a cafe' to enjoy a cup of coffee and scan the morning newspaper.... Read More

Principles of Human Misery / Happiness

Sometimes we are so occupied with our daily routine in life that we forget that "we" are the most important element of our existence. We need to... Read More

Laughter

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." e.e.cummingsI was reading some material last week about the effects of laughter on our health. We all... Read More

What NOT To Do To Feel Good About Yourself - 10 Tips

From the moment we wake in the morning our heads start to fill with all sorts of thoughts. What will you give the kids for breakfast? Will... Read More

Give a Hug for Happiness

Hugs have a long and honorable tradition, going back to the day the caveman first squeezed his wife and discovered that no ketchup squeezed out. Since then,... Read More

Love is All You Need

Boiled down to all of our essence, all we really want is to be loved...by our spouses, by our family, by the people we work with, by... Read More

The Happiness of Others

Is there any necessary connection between our actions and the happiness of others? Disregarding for a moment the murkiness of the definitions of "actions" in philosophical literature... Read More

Discover a Momentary Miracle

Each moment is filled with miracles - very special treasures to discover. All we need to do to see miracles is look with a spirit of gratitude.We... Read More

Suffering and Happiness

The one feature that sets life on Earth apart from a paradise is suffering. It poses a problem for humanity and calls for a solution. This problem... Read More

Choose To Be Happy

What if I told you that you have the ability to decide if you are happy or not. You would probably say that I'm crazy. 1. I'm... Read More

Great Relationship Problem Solving Technique

This is one of my all time favourite problem solving techniques, and I use it on a regular basis with clients who find it hard to get... Read More

Making Peace With Sloth: The Value of Natural Pace

Though his racing speed is a maximum 6 feet per minute, the sloth has won the race against time. It's not that he's immortal, it's just that... Read More

Flowers Truly Reach Your Soul

Flowers are a simple, sincere and unobtrusive way to lift our spirits. They can bring a smile to a tired face or brighten up a room for... Read More

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the cycle is a term we have all heard. Especially if we come from a family (and these days who doesn't) that has a history of... Read More

Seven Strategies You Need to Know About Strengthening Your Self-Esteem

Did you know that your life's success in all areas is directly related to having a healthy self-esteem? You've heard the cliché "You are what you eat."... Read More

Keeping You Confident!

We can all be confident when we are sure of ourselves and knowledgeable about the situation in which we find ourselves. But what happens when we are... Read More

10 Steps to Happily Ever After

Do you know what all happy and healthy marriages have in common? In every one of them you will find two people committed to making each other... Read More