Can You Really Let Go Of Your Huge Internal Struggle?

When I was in graduate school for psychology, we had a fellow student by the name of Allan who was running a successful clinical practice and had joined our program to improve his credentials. He had a remarkable track record of successful case histories.

One day, in a casual conversation during a classroom break, Cindy, a student, asked him what the single biggest reason people did not improve after counseling.

What he said made the three of us in this little huddle near the coffee machine pay attention.

"The single reason people do not change their lives for the better is not because they don't know what to do or how to do it to change, "said Allan, speaking slowly, thoughtfully. "Clients reach a point when they have all the information that they need to change in an instant. However, they don't change because they think they're feelings about the situation their dealing with is true."

"What do you mean?" asked Richard, who was listening in. "Aren't we in the business of teaching people how to express feelings? When you face your feelings, you begin the process of healing states of low self-esteem."

"Real life is more complex than what we learn here in school," said Allan. "Yes, repressing feelings and articulating them and raising self-esteem do effect positive change, but sometimes the feelings themselves are the problem."

"I'm not following you," confessed Richard, frowning.

"People often respond to their feelings, not their thoughts about the situation that is upsetting them. They never question these feelings. They assume their feelings are making an accurate statement about reality."

"You mean they mis-feel," I interjected, suddenly grasping his subtle point.

Allan smiled. "Yes, exactly. Just as you can mis-think something, or mis-perceive something, and later on, given more information, realize that you had jumped to the wrong conclusion or had fallen under some kind of optical illusion, like a mirage, for example, you can similarly mis-feel."

"So," said Cindy, "while people are open to correct their cognition about something, they don't even think to question their feelings about something."

"And," reflected Richard, "They are so completely locked into a huge internal struggle that goes on day after day, year after year, that they never doubt that what they feel is how things really are. Thus, their problem, whatever it is, becomes chronic."

Allan nodded. "Feelings are reactions to events. They are not necessarily true statements about events. They are interpretations. These feelings, over time, become hard-wired chemically into the nervous system so that a person can't look beyond them. It doesn't matter what you say to them, they are only listening to their feelings."

"How do they make the shift, then, to a more adaptable way of coping with their problems?" I asked.

"First," said Allan, "they have to become aware of what they're feeling. The feelings are so quick and so spontaneous that they are taken for granted and not even noticed. Someone in anger, for example, is fully aware of what irritates him, but may not even be aware that his feelings of anger are causing him to see something as irritating. He does not notice his anger-although, of course, it is obvious to everyone else. He is focused on the problem and not the sensations that arise within him to make him believe that he is confronting a problem."

"When you are able to watch your feelings, you begin to let go of your huge internal struggle," said Richard, fully in tune with Allan by this time. "You are able to transcend the emotion and see it for what it is-feelings that are controlling how you think."

"And when you grasp how your feelings are selecting your thoughts, you are able to choose new ways of interpreting your troubling experience," concluded Allan.

Resource Box

Saleem Rana got his masters in psychotherapy from California Lutheran University, Thousand Oaks, Ca., 15 years ago and now resides in Denver, Colorado. His articles on the internet have inspired over ten thousand people from around the world. Discover how to create a remarkable life

Copyright 2005 Saleem Rana. Please feel free to pass this article on to your friends, or use it in your ezine or newsletter. It's a shareware article.

---

Do You Still Have This Type of Dreams?

Jesus says in Matthew 13:25"But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way"The greatest danger that we face in... Read More

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the cycle is a term we have all heard. Especially if we come from a family (and these days who doesn't) that has a history of... Read More

10 Survival Strategies to Overcoming Adversity and Being Happy

If one thing is for certain, each of us will experience some form of adversity while we are still breathing on this Earth. Unfortunately, some of us... Read More

Authentic Happiness

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - how to build positive emotions for extraordinary and happy life.Did you know that you can increase your happiness and life satisfaction?According to Dr. Seligman... Read More

Health and Medical Advice on the Internet: Use it Wisely to Overcome Illness and Find More Happiness

I've got a bit of a problem with depression and anxiety. I've been tackling these problems for several years without the use of modern medicine. Tai Chi,... Read More

Self Confidence, Happiness, and Posture

Our use of body posture plays a key role in how we feel. When we are feeling "down", our bodies show this by hunching the shoulders, we... Read More

Free Tips To Improve Self Confidence

1. DRUNK!At the age of sixteen I was invited out for the evening on a Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. This for most people would... Read More

Happiness - Work Now or Later?

Long-term success and happiness follows hand-in-hand with strength of character.As I mention in my book, Fast Track Your Success and Happiness, If we want to achieve a... Read More

Do You Love Yourelf?

Learning to love yourself isn't easy - especially if you grew up in an environment that involved abuse, neglect, shame or an emotionally dishonest atmosphere. Most people... Read More

Flow as in Flower

The seeds you sow determine the crop you reap. This is pretty common knowledge. Knowledge, unfortunately, is only productive in its application, not in its accumulation or... Read More

Creating Happiness

Whatever we want in life, a partner, more money, good health, a fulfilling career, or enlightenment, it all comes down to the same thing: behind all the... Read More

Love Yourself First ? Im Happy. Youre Happy. Were All Happy!

As a teenager growing up reading 'Blue Jeans' and 'Jackie', it occurred to me that just one piece of advice was the answer to all the problems... Read More

In Pursuit of Happiness

In pursuit of happiness, what will we do as women? Whatever we possibly can. We want to do things for ourselves, but always put others before us.... Read More

14 Habits For A Happier You and I

Many people exercise, play sports, or know someone who does. Having done so almost my entire life, I have a few pearls of wisdom. To gain an... Read More

Dont Let Life Happen to You

Don't Let Life Happen To You It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to... Read More

Great Relationship Problem Solving Technique

This is one of my all time favourite problem solving techniques, and I use it on a regular basis with clients who find it hard to get... Read More

Happiness as a Habit

Health and Happiness are the two things that most people will tell you they desire most. Ask a parent what they want most for their child and... Read More

A Surefire Way To Manage Your Fears While Leading A Happier, Healthier Life

Imagine discovering a way to get rid of your fears in a quick and painless manner. In fact it can even become fun!Did you know only two... Read More

Love is All You Need

Boiled down to all of our essence, all we really want is to be loved...by our spouses, by our family, by the people we work with, by... Read More

The ABCs Of A Great Life: J Is For Joviality

Laughter, humor, a lighthearted sense of being - all of these are an important part of a well-balanced breakfast, er, life. Without humor, there is no hope.... Read More

You Can?t See Your Own Eyes

My friend called me this morning from her favorite coffee shop. She was taking a break from work. I sensed frustration in her voice. Something clearly was... Read More

What is the Ultimate Lifestyle?

Since the mission of this newsletter is to help you define, carve out, and live your own Ultimate Lifestyle, I figured I should devote some space to... Read More

Eleven Keys to Success and Happiness

1. Mend a quarrel Seek out a forgotten friend and tell them how much you enjoyed them once and that you wish them peace.2. Dismiss Suspicion Take... Read More

Seven Steps to a Better Day

Are you tired of the same routine day after day? Do you feel as if today is only a speed bump in the road between yesterday and... Read More

Emotional Baggage

We all have them. It has many faces. We carry them around us, We store them in the remotest part of our brain, in the deepest chambers... Read More

Gratitude For Dummies

Yes, it might feel great to win the lottery. Money, houses, travel - these are wonderful, but not enough by themselves. You need the right frame of... Read More