Breaking Bonds

I am just out of high school, and I have come to realize what I really want is completely out of my family's standards. I come from an Indian family, where the standards are extremely high. Like in most Indian families, I am expected to become a doctor or engineer. To please them, I followed a course in high school for science and mathematics.

I did reasonably well, considering the toughness of the course, and everyone expected me to continue on this path. However, I met a wonderful man who is a teacher. He made me realize I would love to do something to work with people. My family, however, would scoff at that. Also, I have fallen in love with this man.

I know my family will never approve as he is Italian and not the rich Indian they envisioned for me. In spite of it all, I love my family. I don't want to disappoint them or fail myself. What to do?

Sati

Sati, one verse in the Bhagavad Gita might be freely translated, "Your path, no matter how humble, is better than another's path, no matter how exalted." That sentiment is not wishful thinking or a pipe dream. It expresses a profound psychological truth. When we do what we know we should be doing with our life, we envy no one.

The problem with following a path not your own is that the problem never goes away. Some people who are forced into a course of study they do not like fail several subjects or get caught cheating on a test. It is not that they lack ability or that they are dishonest; they subconsciously act out what they cannot consciously face. Other people finish the course of study and feel not success but sadness.

Another person who faced your dilemma was Eknath Easwaran. As a teenager in South India in the 1920s, Easwaran was told by his family, "India needs engineers." Though Easwaran had the ability to be an engineer, he knew it was not his calling. He resisted his family's entreaties and became a successful professor of English in India.

Successful lives often evolve into something which was never planned, and in his 50s, Easwaran moved to the United States and began teaching people how to leave painful memories behind, live fully in the present, and discover their unique contribution to life. As he said, he moved from "education for degrees to education for living."

Your family wants to secure your future, rather than trust the future. They are hardly to be blamed for wanting a secure thing, but the world does not need another uncaring doctor or bored engineer. Though your path may be difficult, it is still your path. And like Easwaran's life, your life can evolve from what your family now sees into something which expresses who you are.

One of Eknath Easwaran's favorite stories was about Mahatma Gandhi. Once, as Gandhi's train was leaving the station, an American reporter came to him and asked for a message to take back to his people. Gandhi scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it back to the reporter. What Gandhi wrote was, "My life is my message."

Wayne & Tamara

Comfort Index

Hi. I was asked and accepted a date with an older man. I am 20 and he is 29. He has been married and divorced and has children. I still find myself attracted to him more than anyone I've ever met. Is nine years really such a big deal as my friends make it seem?

Vanna

Vanna, on an unpleasantly warm day, people often say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." Hot, humid weather feels worse than hot, dry weather because sweat won't evaporate. His age is not such a big deal; it's the ex-wife and children. Your friends are concerned that "humidity" will have you sweating.

Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 8, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Inspiration From Other People - Is It Worth Listening To A Film Star?

Yesterday, I listened to an interview with Michael York, the film star. I listened half-heartedly at first and then with fascination. By the end of the conversation... Read More

Does Introspection Assist in Self Progression?

Why would we need to examine our lives? What benefit does it yield? Isn't it just rehashing the past?All of these questions have merit and I will... Read More

The Finer, and Finest, Things in Life

In America, we have a saying: The finer things in life. These are the things that most people talk about when they are speaking of thing of... Read More

Accept Every Invitation

How often do you decline an invitation because you have something else you would rather do? Or you're not crazy about the person asking you to join?... Read More

The Seasons Of Life, Part 5 of 5

This week is Part Five of our five part series on The Seasons of Life.In Part One of the series we discussed:a) That life is about constant,... Read More

Unintended Consequences

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 26, 2003My sister is celebrating her tenth anniversary this summer, and I'm concerned she is letting her relationship... Read More

An Unquenched Thirst

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 9, 2002I'm engaged to a wonderful, warm and loving man whom I've been with for four years. We... Read More

The Power Of Love In Your Life!

CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE!"If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony... Read More

Rightful Owner

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 20, 2003I was recently looking through some old photos when I found some of an ex-boyfriend when he... Read More

Virtual Chocolate

A second on your lips forever on your hips never happens with virtual chocolate. Chocolate begins from a seed. A cacao seed. It is then fermented, roasted,... Read More

Coming To Your Senses, Again and Again!

When we talk about the Enchanted Self we are referring to positive states of mind and body that are unique to each of us. We are also... Read More

Believe In Yourself And Become a Winner: Lessons from Hollywood

Copyright 2004 Priya Shah A while ago I made it a point to watch the movie "Legally Blonde." Not just for the bright, chirpy... Read More

Misplaced Allegiance

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 23, 2003I am male, 30, married for seven years. I have two small children. The past several years... Read More

Fear No Evil - How To Avoid Worry And Fear

"Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me."Do these words have meaning for... Read More

Top 10 Things That Make Life Worthwhile

Below are some of the things that, over the years, my clients have taught me about making life a wonderful adventure. You will, hopefully, have additions that... Read More

Play It Forward --Living A Life Youve Always Wanted!

What would your life be like if you lived each event backwards? If you knew what was coming in your life next how would you react?John Eldredge... Read More

Inspired Intuition - Following Your Inner Voice

"Some people call the still, small voice insight or intuition?Our insight is a gift from God, not to be taken lightly or for granted... If we acknowledge... Read More

Generosity Is The Seed Of Wealth

Generosity, which includes the free, no strings-attached sharing of resources, money, and information among people, is the seed of prosperity. What was the initial seed planted that... Read More

About Self Love

1. How do I love myself?2. How can I feel like I don't need approval and validation from anyone else anymore?3. Why is it so hard for... Read More

The Family

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 19, 2004I grew up in a very abusive family. Physical, mental, and emotional abuse were the norm. My... Read More

The Ant Philosophy

Over the years I've been teaching kids about a simple but powerful concept - the ant philosophy.I think everybody should study ants. They have an amazing four-part... Read More

Leaving The Child Behind. Recovery From Child Abuse

I looked at my father for the last time before he was finally laid to rest. And I said to myself, "I forgive you father".I have forgiven... Read More

Growing From Good To Great

I have never been fond of white-water rafting, probably because I don't like cold water. The sport consists of a raft, fast moving cold water, raft riders,... Read More

Addicted To Her

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 4, 2003I dated a woman I work with for four years. In both our minds we were soul... Read More

Pattern of Ripples

The Emmaus Journal Pattern of RipplesPicture within your mind an imaginary pool of water. Visualize a stone thrown into the water and see the waves of concentric... Read More

Safety ? Are You OK?

Safety is an interesting concept. When we think of safety we almost intuitively think of its opposite, danger. Some people say that "our thoughts create our reality."... Read More