Sex and the Gods of Internet Marketing

Whenever I mention my occupation to a non-wired person, it seems to generate the same response:

"Isn't there an awful lot of porn on the net?"

The question floats toward me like a smoke ring and forms a halo around my face, framing me as a pornographer, nymphomaniac, and all-round corrupter of innocence.

I expect that from my mother, but it's not the public image I strive to cultivate. I never have a good response ready.

"Hmmm," I nod coquettishly, "I'll have to look into that."

The subtext of my vapid reply could be "Yes, the internet is a modern-day Gomorrah and I'm in it up to my quivering loins," or, "I really haven't heard that, but I'm so pathetically hard-up that I'm gonna race right home and look."

Neither is what I mean to convey, but the truth is probably just as perverse...

I've never really looked into sex on the net.

I always plan to, but I never do. I think I've always been very nervous about what I might find. Who knows? Maybe I myself would become corrupted - lured into the nether regions of psycho-sexual depravity and cyber-sensual abandon... never, perhaps, to return.

(I shudder at the thought... several times.)

Well, that sort of cloistered naiveté is fine when you're just peddling software and minding your own business, but now that I'm prancing around like an e-marketing guru, I no longer have the luxury of ignoring so large and infamous a part of our venue.

THE DARING SEXPLORATIONS OF LINDA COX!

I have shifted into my Lara Croft/Wonder Woman Intrepid Female Explorer persona and I am now going to begin my Conradian trek into the internet's dark interior.

Wish me luck. Here goes...

Okay, I'm back. Thanks for waiting. I'm prepared to report now.

Yep, it seems that there IS some sexual content on the internet. (Drink, please.) Rather a lot, in fact. (Make it a double.) Funny I never noticed before. (Is it warm in here?) Actually, it's amazing there's room for anything else. (WHERE'S THAT FREAKIN' DRINK!?)

Here's what I learned...

  • I can never don my Lara Croft/Wonder Woman alter-ego again now that I've seen them locked together in alt.sex.binaries.lesbian.actionheroes in a bout of no-holes-barred lovemaking.

  • Acts I consider sexually extreme and taboo, many people consider warm-up.

  • I will never use a public restroom or changing room again. I will never wear a skirt in public again. I will never look at many salad ingredients the same way again.

  • Certain professions should strictly enforce a much earlier mandatory retirement age.

  • Everything is a sex toy to someone... EVERYthing.

  • I found Howard Sprague's private diary online. Goober and Floyd I always suspected, but Otis, Barney, how could you?

  • Bondage is a cottage industry. I'm not sure what BDSM is, but it looks pretty damn uncomfortable.

  • I accidentally learned how Vinnie, my pizza delivery kid, made ends meet before landing his present gig.

  • Some things are better left unshaven.

  • She-males are the damnedest thing since Mike the Headless Chicken.

    THE GODS OF INTERNET MARKETING

    Adult website marketers are the most in-your-face, take-no-prisoners, knock-down drag-out rock 'n roll marketers on earth. If I could sell software the way they sell sex, I'd be living on my own island.

    IN PRAISE OF CENSORSHIP

    Frankly, I very much oppose adult content on the internet. I think it should be legislated out of existence. Here's why:

    Sex is the fire in the belly of civilization. If we allow it to become so commonplace that everyone gives up the hot and frenzied pursuit of it, then humanity will just go sit on the couch and watch pro wrestling. And then where will we be?

    Sitting on the couch watching pro wrestling, that's where!

    About The Author

    Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.LindaCox.com/


    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    ____________________

    Advertisement: Honest Riches - Click Here!

    Advertisement: Lost AdWords - Click Here!

    Advertisement: Get $1 Million A Month In Google Pay-Per-Click Ads Free! - Click Here!

    Advertisement: Who Loves Money? - Click Here!

    Advertisement: SEO Elite, the GrandDaddy of SEO Software - Click Here!

    In The News:


    Best Syndication

    A-1 Internet Design - Keeping Pace with the Global Internet marketing
    Best Syndication, CA - 7 hours ago
    Their web programming services are wide ranging; A-1 Internet Design professional expertise also extends to providing Internet marketing and search engine ...

    Norwegian Cruise Line Selects Omniture to Provide a More ...
    CNNMoney.com - 13 hours ago
    Omniture Genesis integrates complementary third-party online marketing technologies with Omniture products. Omniture Genesis gives online marketers the ...
    Norwegian Cruise Line Selects Omniture to Provide a More ... International Business Times
    all 10 news articles

    Hotelier’s 2009 Top Ten Internet Marketing Resolutions | By Max ...
    Hospitality Net (press release) - Jan 6, 2009
    Here at HeBS we firmly believe that a comprehensive, ROI-centric Internet marketing strategy is the hotelier's perfect "survival tool" in the current ...
    Hotel Revenue Management Meets the Recession | By Neil Salerno ... Hospitality Net
    all 3 news articles

    Best Syndication

    E-mail Marketing Tips for Small Business
    Search Engine Watch - Jan 6, 2009
    E-mail marketing isn't necessarily a function of search. Online marketing is about making money any way you can. Any well-rounded Internet marketing ...
    Internet Marketing Tips and Predictions for 2009 Promotion World (press release)
    all 3 news articles

    Article Marketing 101
    A Pakistan News, Pakistan - 1 hour ago
    Justin Harrison is a leading Internet Marketing consultant responsible for the Internet Marketing strategies behind some of the biggest online brands ...

    Coremetrics Reports Mixed eCommerce Signals in December
    MSNBC - 2 hours ago
    These findings are based on data from Coremetrics Benchmark(TM), the industry's only peer-level benchmarking solution that measures online marketing results ...

    Internet Music Marketing 2009 Combining Traditional and Web 2.0
    USPRwire (press release), UK - 3 hours ago
    Internet Music Marketing ebooks and videos for the 2009 and beyond music artist. Trent Partridge author of the new book "Internet Marketing for Music Artist ...

    IndiaBook Indian SEO Company Launches Search Marketing Outsourcing ...
    PowerHomeBiz.com (press release) - 11 hours ago
    January 7, 2009 ( PowerHomeBiz ) - India -- India SEO a Professional Internet marketing Firm located in Chandigarh, northern part of India, since 1999 has ...

    New Class Helps Small Business Owners Utilize Social Networking ...
    PitchEngine (press release), WY - 7 hours ago
    As the President of the Internet marketing and strategy firm, Vision Business Concepts Inc, Lori has created successful techniques that help her clients ...

    Mixer alert! Learn about Internet marketing
    The Desert Sun, CA - Jan 6, 2009
    An Internet marketing expert is scheduled to speak at this month's Women Leaders Forum of the Coachella Valley Desert Women Entrepreneurs Mixer. ...
    internet marketing - Google News
  • Your Ad Here

    Games at Buy.com

    Holiday Home Store at Buy.com

    Online Network Marketing 101B - Basic Must Steps to Follow to be a Successful Marketer

    In my earlier article, "Online Network Marketing 101A", I wrote the first three things that you have to do in order for you to start your career... Read More

    The Fun and Ease of Online Shopping vs. The Brick and Mortar Option

    When my sister and discussed our shopping plans this year we found to our surprise that our attitudes were much different. She was the hip New Yorker,... Read More

    Truth and Lies

    How low can one get? The number of encounters I have had in the few months as a network marketer with liars is astounding. Why do people... Read More

    The Biggest Internet Marketing Mistake Victorias Secret Will Never Make

    Victoria's Secret has about 1500 retail stores, a world class catalog, and according to Alexa.com, a website that is consistently in the top 100 websites on the... Read More

    I Hate Asking for Referrals! ? 6 Proven Methods for Getting a Flood of Referrals Without Asking

    Yes, I admit it - I hate asking for referrals - don't you? Be honest. Doesn't your heart start to pump faster and hands start to sweat... Read More

    Writing a Website That Sings!

    If your online sales have taken a dip lately, your product or service isn't necessarily to blame. Even the best products and services can be hidden in... Read More

    Beyond Viral Marketings Its Exponential Multiplication

    Exponential Multiplication a Real Life Example:Double a penny every day for a month and what do you get? Over ten million dollars! That's the power of exponential... Read More

    Website Marketing: 10 Killer Website Marketing Tactics To Boost Your Profits

    Here are 10 killer website marketing tactics to boost your profits:1. Gain an advantage over your competition. You should find one benefit your competition doesn't offer and... Read More

    Rocket Your Online Business into the Stratosphere with Captured Leads!

    NO matter what business you are trying to build online, you will need sales leads if you are ever going to make sales, and sales leads are... Read More

    Dont Baffle Me - Talk to Me

    Congratulations, all you Internet marketing people you. You now command a whopping 3% of total advertising and marketing budget. Hey, it's better than, well...2%. And the number... Read More

    The Secret to Making More Money in Your Online Business: Lessons From Monopoly

    Thousands and thousands of people are striving to make more money in their online businesses each day. If you are one of the thousands of people, have... Read More

    Web Marketers - Get Some Professional Help!

    There is lots of freelance help available on the internet, from writers, editors, proofreaders and other professionals in the writing industry to software developers, graphic designers, web... Read More

    8 Things I Have Learned As An Internet Marketer

    I started as an internet marketer, like I am sure a few of you have with various mlm programs. After little success with these types of programs... Read More

    New Product Launch Checklist

    Launching a new product or service is an exciting time and it is possible to overlook something in the rush to get that product or service to... Read More

    Top Ten Ways to Attract Targeted Local Customers With Online Marketing

    Does your business have a Web site? Have you missed the idea that it can be your 24/7 virtual marketing machine? Do you wonder how it could... Read More

    URLs Everywhere

    Your URL (www) should be everywhere and more. I know many of you are going to think this is common sense, but how many of these are... Read More

    3 Services Your Online Business Cant Live Without

    It doesn't make any difference if you're promoting your own product, affiliate programs or MLM programs, there are 3 services your business can't live without.Service #1: Web... Read More

    3 Simple Steps for Revealing Marketing Secrets of the Experts

    Learn the easy method I use to reveal marketing secrets. Details of my findings using this method are also disclosed.Two years ago, I began using ezine advertising... Read More

    Online Advertising: 10 Flaming Hot Ways To Heat Up Your Sales

    If you have a website but not making a lot of sales, I can understand how you feel.So, I want to offer you 10 flaming, online advertising... Read More

    How to Profit From Your Ad Space in this Economic Downturn

    Recent research predicts that the online ad market will decline by 25% in 2003.**In 2004, net advertising is a buyer's market.Everyone has seen the media spotlight focused... Read More

    10 Sure-Fire Viral Marketing Strategies To Increase Traffic To Your Website

    "Viral Marketing" is giving something away for free and allowing people to pass it on to others. The main purpose of viral marketing is to spread your... Read More

    The 3 Big Points to Selling Successfully on the Web

    Building a home internet business on the web can seem at times like an impossible goal for most people getting started because they are either not sure... Read More

    The Worst Internet Marketing Strategy Ever?

    Many people are downright frustrated.And when you look at their internet marketing strategy, it's no surprise.Yet, they all fall into a classic trap that can ruin your... Read More

    Differentiate and Grow Rich: The Importance of a Strong USP

    "With 50 other companies selling the same products and services, why should I do business with you rather than one of your competitors?"The number of competitors you... Read More

    Constant Change Is The Only Certainty In Online Marketing

    This old saying which addresses the variability of the weather in Montana is also applicable to the volatile market dynamics for an online business. If there is... Read More

    Marketing Gurus: Do You Need One?

    Its become fashionable to bash marketing "gurus" nowadays.There are some for whom the prospect of even looking at someone as a "guru" is a sin. They believe... Read More