Attracting Marital Fulfillment, Its Not To Late To Start Right Now

As a personal and professional development coach, I have listened to scores of unhappy marital stories from clients. It is not my intention to pose as a marriage counselor nor therapist, as I am neither. However, via my previous experience as a crisis counselor, and as a partner in an intercultural marriage with its own unique characteristics, I have built up a store of helpful tips, some of which I share with you below.

"To those who choose to marry with love, knowledge and commitment"
is the dedication line in a very important book in my life. This is one of the pre-marital workbooks I used to assess to what extent my husband and I were compatible for marriage. It offers information and questions that help couples examine their attitudes and expectations for married life. Difference in expectations is a common cause of marital discord, and the most unfortunate part is that these expectations are often not discussed prior to making wedding vows. After all, before tying the knot, couples are in that magical state of euphoria and seeming invincibility. "Love conquers all" is the ubiquitous message in popular music and movies. Admittedly, the pedantic, almost arduous activity of talking through pages and pages of questions in preparation for marriage can be a bit daunting. Yet taking the time to do so is guaranteed to save the potential bride and groom time and heartache. Afterward finishing the process, some couples may find out what they may fear most, that they need more time to decide if they are ready to commit their lives to one another. It's better to learn this before the knot is tied. Of course, there is no guarantee that after having gone through a pre-marital question and answer process that a marriage will be trouble-free. However, you will have gained invaluable insight into crucial areas that can make or break-up a marriage, and you will be better prepared to handle issues as they come up.

Whether you're planning to wed or are already wed / in a committed relationship, and would like more fulfillment, using a pre-marital workbook to help you and your partner explore issues is a sensible idea.

The dedication line above is from the book Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook: How to Really Get to Know the Person You're Going to Marry, by Jerry D. Hardin and Dianne C. Sloan, Thomas Nelson Publishers, ©1992. There are other books out there that have similar purposes, this happens to be the one I know best since I've used it in my own marriage. This book does a fairly thorough job of covering the issues, such as:

emotional love
behavioral patterns
family backgrounds
communication
friendship love
time management
perceptions
listening
commitment love
attitudes
household management
financial management
expectations
honesty
covenants to one another
conflict resolution
priorities
anger
ghosts that each partner brings into the marriage
religious beliefs
sexuality
child planning/rearing
lifestyles

Some of these topics may be awkward, yet the book does the job of broaching them for you. The discussion process can be fun, even romantic if you let it be so. And, face it, whether you choose to deal with these issues before or after you walk down the aisle, they will be dealt with in one way or another. For those who have already tied the knot, it's not too late to discuss these issues on an as-needed basis. One thing I like about this book is its covenants - promises that partners make to one another, complete with signature lines. Those signatures serve as a standing record of your mutual honor and commitment.

Do you have questions about the pre-marital/post-marital discussion process? Contact me at mailAThersheywier.com (substitute @ for AT)

Copyright 2005, Hershey Wier

Hershey Wier, BS Education, MBA, is a Career & Self-Development Specialist specializing in holistic, creative approaches to career and life transitions. Visit http://www.HersheyWier.com

In The News:

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Downtown Express
Eloping to Vegas? Why Not Lower Manhattan?
New York Times, United States - Jan 7, 2009
“With these new digs, there might just be a new world wedding capital.� The city clerk’s office issued 66600 marriage licenses 2007 and performed about ...
Manhattan's new Marriage Bureau earns wows as a place to say your vows New York Daily News
NY hears wedding bells, aims to compete with Vegas The Associated Press
Wedding Bells Ring In NYC Marriage Bureau WNYC
Downtown Express - Gothamistall 254 news articles

Boston Globe
‘Bride Wars’ is a failed marriage | 1 ½ stars
Kansas City Star, MO - 12 hours ago
And their mutual friends will have to decide which wedding to attend. All would be well if only one of them would cancel (or if they would agree to a double ...
Video: Ann Hathaway's Stellar Year CBS
Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are funny allies Los Angeles Times
Two Weddings and a Furor New York Times
Tampa Tribune - Boston Globeall 727 news articles

New York Times
Movie review: Cliches nag 'Not Easily Broken'
San Francisco Chronicle,  USA - 4 hours ago
The opening wedding scene in the new Bill Duke film, "Not Easily Broken" is so overwrought and cliched, it's akin to sitting down with a promising novel, ...
Not Easily Broken ( ** ) AHN
Movie Review: ‘Not Easily Broken’ is a romantic soap opera that ... Providence Journal
» Inspirational drama anything but 'Broken' Chicago Daily Herald
Pittsburgh Post Gazette - Kansas City Starall 65 news articles

FOR FAMILIES: A guide for parents to Jan. 9 and earlier releases
Chicago Tribune, United States - 9 hours ago
By Roger Moore | Tribune Newspapers What it's about: Best friends become dueling brides when they both book the wedding they've always dreamed of in the ...

Wedding war: Las Vegas versus New York
KVBC, NV - 7 hours ago
The city has renovated it marriage bureau and even built a 24000-square-foot wedding complex with the hope of becoming the most popular wedding site. ...

Wearing white and eating cake, Brides magazine turns 75
The Canadian Press, NEW YORK - 19 hours ago
"The magazine is realistic about how people's lives are today, but still the focus is how to have a successful wedding and start a healthy marriage," says ...

New York Magazine
City to Make Your Shotgun Marriage Just That Much Nicer
New York Magazine,  USA - Jan 7, 2009
Photo: Getty Images Perhaps sensing the economic downturn (and having eventually watched the Sex and the City movie), the city spruced up its civil-wedding ...

MLive.com
Bay County gets older, refrains from marriage, likes guns ...
MLive.com, MI - 17 hours ago
Luczak said economics could be partly to blame, as young couples struggling to get a foothold in life may be putting off the expense of a wedding.

MSNBC
Couple goes from divorce to 'I Do Again'
MSNBC - 11 hours ago
Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs, founders of Hope Marriage Ministries, recount the slow destruction of their relationship, which ended in divorce. ...

KHOU
Houston wedding show could help brides on a budget
KHOU, TX - Jan 7, 2009
“I refuse to go into this marriage in debt, “ says Ashley. “That's no way to start out.� -- Watch the flowers. All those arrangements can quickly add up. ...

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