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Make Sure You Do: Before You Say ?I Do?
Tina Turner asked an important question in the title of her hit song; What's Love Got To Do With It? Yes love is important but love don't pay the bills. It is not be enough to be "in love." Couples must have the basic skills necessary for building and enhancing the relationship over time. Lasting marriages require partners who are committed to respecting one another, who have gained knowledge about what makes marriage work, and who have developed skills that will enhance rather than deteriorate the relationship.
It is mind boggling that so many spend countless hours planning for the great wedding day. That's right; it is only for one day; a mere drop in the ocean of time. Here today, gone tomorrow; then what? It is just plain ignorant to spend numerous weeks and even months planning for the wedding that last a day and ignore the marriage that is expected to endure for a lifetime. It makes good sense then, to spend at least an equal amount of time preparing for married life. By reading this article, you have taken the first step toward increasing your awareness. I applaud you.
Whenever I perform a wedding ceremony, it usually includes these words:
Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him/her, forsaking all others and holding only unto him/her according to God's holy law; and thus pledge your faithfulness.
It is disconcerting that nearly half of all married couples regretted uttering those profound words and have since divorced. I believe that the most egregious mistake these couples made was not spending enough time seriously planning for a lifetime together in marriage. Though most couples do claim to take their wedding vows seriously, often what has been disregarded is really getting to know each other on a level beneath the surface.
Women, particularly, seem to approach marriage from a fantasy "happy-ever-after" mentality. We do not seem to realize that what we think we "see" is not perfect reality. And, what we think we feel is related to what we think we see. In other words, we tend to approach marriage with a distorted perception of what married life will be like. In a way, it can be analogized to an adolescent girl who always wanted a baby until she actually had one and the reality of parental responsibility ferociously slapped her in the face; or the teen young man who didn't understand that as soon as he hit adulthood, the system would relentlessly seek child support payments from him for each child he has fathered.
Keep in mind that who you marry will have a dramatic impact on all aspects of your life; spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health. Marriage is serious business and should be given serious thought. It is not optional, it is obligatory. Take a long and hard look before you leap.
Rev. Saundra L. Washington, is an ordained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries http://www.clergyservices4u.org. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Water: A Grief Healing Workbook, will be available soon.
Downtown Express
New York Times, United States - Jan 7, 2009
“With these new digs, there might just be a new world wedding capital.” The city clerk’s office issued 66600 marriage licenses 2007 and performed about ...
Manhattan's new Marriage Bureau earns wows as a place to say your vows New York Daily News
NY hears wedding bells, aims to compete with Vegas The Associated Press
Wedding Bells Ring In NYC Marriage Bureau WNYC
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Washington Post
Kansas City Star, MO - 13 hours ago
And their mutual friends will have to decide which wedding to attend. All would be well if only one of them would cancel (or if they would agree to a double ...
Video: Ann Hathaway's Stellar Year CBS
'Bride Wars' stars Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are funny allies Los Angeles Times
Two Weddings and a Furor New York Times
Tampa Tribune - Boston Globeall 756 news articles
New York Times
San Francisco Chronicle, USA - 5 hours ago
The opening wedding scene in the new Bill Duke film, "Not Easily Broken" is so overwrought and cliched, it's akin to sitting down with a promising novel, ...
Not Easily Broken ( ** ) AHN
Movie Review: ‘Not Easily Broken’ is a romantic soap opera that ... Providence Journal
» Inspirational drama anything but 'Broken' Chicago Daily Herald
Pittsburgh Post Gazette - Kansas City Starall 81 news articles
Chicago Tribune, United States - 10 hours ago
By Roger Moore | Tribune Newspapers What it's about: Best friends become dueling brides when they both book the wedding they've always dreamed of in the ...
The Canadian Press, NEW YORK - 20 hours ago
"The magazine is realistic about how people's lives are today, but still the focus is how to have a successful wedding and start a healthy marriage," says ...
KVBC, NV - 8 hours ago
The city has renovated it marriage bureau and even built a 24000-square-foot wedding complex with the hope of becoming the most popular wedding site. ...
New York Magazine
New York Magazine, USA - Jan 7, 2009
Photo: Getty Images Perhaps sensing the economic downturn (and having eventually watched the Sex and the City movie), the city spruced up its civil-wedding ...
MLive.com
MLive.com, MI - 18 hours ago
Luczak said economics could be partly to blame, as young couples struggling to get a foothold in life may be putting off the expense of a wedding.
MSNBC
MSNBC - 12 hours ago
Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs, founders of Hope Marriage Ministries, recount the slow destruction of their relationship, which ended in divorce. ...
NBC13.com, AL - 4 hours ago
Just 16 months after their wedding Governor Wallace was shot. The assassination attempt left Wallace paralyzed. Fifty-four days later, he left the hospital ...
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