Trust in Marriage

Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Trust in Marriage

Trust is the basis of all human relationships. Trust can be thought of as a thermometer that can measure the positive and negative nature of a relationship. The more positive one feels about a person, the higher the trust level associated with him/her.

There are many different trust levels at which we may trust others. We trust most people enough to walk around freely without expecting all the neighbors to start shooting at us. Those persons who cannot trust others at even this remote level have great difficulty functioning in the world.

However, at a more personal level, trusting your partner with your fears, dreams, and feelings is sometimes difficult. Just as when we were infants, our trust in others builds as we learn through experience that others will be accepting of us. The more we are exposed to positive trust experiences, the more trust in others will develop.

The building of a trusting attitude goes hand-in-hand with the development of positive self-esteem.

Imagine a young woman on a tropical beach dressed in heavy winter clothing. As the sun comes up in the morning, she begins to get warm and takes off her muffler and gloves and feels better. The sun continues to shine and the young lady sheds more of her heavy clothing. Each time she gets rid of a layer of protective clothing, she feels more comfortable, more in tune with her environment. If the weather changes and it gets cold again, the woman can put on a layer of clothing for protections.

So it is when we learn to trust others with our secrets, our fears, and our uniqueness. There is a period of time in every relationship when we peel off layers of protection in response to the growing warm feelings we share. As we shed our protective coats, we become more vulnerable to hurt or betrayal, but we also have the potential of building trusting relationships in which the partners can share deep feelings and grow as individuals.

In most relationships there are periods of pulling away and growing closer. These times may require us to readjust our protective layers or to pause in the process of shedding to make our needs for trusting less vulnerable. During these periods we learn about ourselves, particularly those areas about which we are most sensitive. Feelings of insecurity often indicate areas of our personal lives in which trust has been betrayed or about which we feel negatively. Taking the risk to trust sharing feelings about painful issues is often scary, but with big risks come big gains-for you and your partner.

When trust is absent, there are deep and hidden animosities. Respect is lost and our relationship is compromised as our energies go into manipulation and protection rather than working together towards a shared vision.

Trust is having the confidence in your judgment to trust yourself to trust your partner. Before you day "I Do," you need to ask yourself, do I trust my intended?

As adults, we learn to trust through observation, experience and self-awareness. Our partners earn our trust by exhibiting trust worthy behaviors and communications. Their behaviors are consistent with their "talk" and you have learned you can place your confidence in him/her.

People have integrity when their behavior matches their words. They do what they say they are going to do. It's a red flag in a relationship if, over time, a person's behavior does not consistently match their words. In short, hear the words but watch the actions.

We are human beings and guess what? Human beings often mess up and make mistakes. We have many shortcomings, imperfections and defects. That's part of everyday life. But people who can be trusted take responsibility for their weaknesses. They don't blame others or make excuses. When they mess up, they admit it, and, to the best of their ability do some serious damage control.

Understand that two people can look at the same experience and have very different responses. An ugly blue building may be colorful to someone else. Your benevolent gesture may feel invasive to someone else. In order for trust to grow, these different perspectives must be acknowledged even when they're not understood.

We tend to trust the people with whom we feel secure. When we know we can be ourselves and say what we really think and feel without repercussions our trust builds. A requirement to walk on eggs is a metaphor for the fragility of that security. If you feel insecure in being able to express yourself or feel that there are some things you cannot say to your partner for fear of repercussions, a red flag should immediately go up.

It takes time to develop trust in someone, especially for people who have been hurt before. Who do you trust? What are the characteristics that support that trust? If the relationship is important to you what are the small steps you can do to restore betrayed trust?

Trust is central for a loving, honest and respectful relationship. Both you and your fiancé should trust each other to remain loyal, be honest, communicate feelings, thoughts and opinions openly and genuinely, value each other as human beings and not objects to be used and manipulated.

When you trust your partner, you will be protected. You know you won't be hurt, betrayed, or ridiculed. You can let down your guard and really be yourself with your partner, allowing a feeling of complete security to flow through the relationship. You don't need to censor or edit your conversations, or alter your behavior (as long as your words and behavior are kind and courteous). You can open your heart to the other person. And, as I mentioned earlier, this deep trust and mutual vulnerability forms the very foundation of lasting and loving relationships.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, veteran social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach which can be reviewed on her site. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, is expected to be available soon.

You are welcome to visit AMEN Ministries: Your Soul's Service Station for spiritual refreshing, soul edification or to browse our newly expanded mini shopping mall.

Blessings to all!

In The News:

Sydney Morning Herald
â€˜Bride Warsâ€™ is a failed marriage | 1 Â½ stars
Kansas City Star, MO - 15 hours ago
And their mutual friends will have to decide which wedding to attend. All would be well if only one of them would cancel (or if they would agree to a double ...
Video: Ann Hathaway's Stellar Year CBS
'Bride Wars' stars Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are funny allies Los Angeles Times
'Bride Wars' A Marriage Of Mediocrity Tampa Tribune
Boston Globe - Washington Postall 811 news articles

Downtown Express
Manhattan's new Marriage Bureau earns wows as a place to say your vows
New York Daily News, NY - Jan 8, 2009
On Wednesday, Roney witnessed the new Manhattan Marriage Bureauâ€™s first wedding ceremony, between Carlos Sanchez, 27, and Jennifer Avila, 22, from Sunnyside ...
Eloping to Vegas? Why Not Lower Manhattan? New York Times
NY hears wedding bells, aims to compete with Vegas The Associated Press
Wedding Bells Ring In NYC Marriage Bureau WNYC
Downtown Express - Gothamistall 254 news articles

New York Times
"Not Easily Broken" a thinly disguised sermon
Reuters - 1 hour ago
Wedding-day dreams have taken several unexpected turns when we catch up with Dave (Morris Chestnut) and Clarice (Taraji P. Henson). They live an extremely, ...
Movie review: Cliches nag 'Not Easily Broken' San Francisco Chronicle
Not Easily Broken ( ** ) AHN
Movie Review: â€˜Not Easily Brokenâ€™ is a romantic soap opera that ... Providence Journal
Chicago Daily Herald - Pittsburgh Post Gazetteall 85 news articles

FOR FAMILIES: A guide for parents to Jan. 9 and earlier releases
Chicago Tribune, United States - 12 hours ago
By Roger Moore | Tribune Newspapers What it's about: Best friends become dueling brides when they both book the wedding they've always dreamed of in the ...

Wearing white and eating cake, Brides magazine turns 75
The Canadian Press, NEW YORK - 23 hours ago
"The magazine is realistic about how people's lives are today, but still the focus is how to have a successful wedding and start a healthy marriage," says ...

Wedding war: Las Vegas versus New York
KVBC, NV - 10 hours ago
The city has renovated it marriage bureau and even built a 24000-square-foot wedding complex with the hope of becoming the most popular wedding site. ...

New York Magazine
City to Make Your Shotgun Marriage Just That Much Nicer
New York Magazine, USA - Jan 7, 2009
Photo: Getty Images Perhaps sensing the economic downturn (and having eventually watched the Sex and the City movie), the city spruced up its civil-wedding ...

MLive.com
Bay County gets older, refrains from marriage, likes guns ...
MLive.com, MI - 21 hours ago
Luczak said economics could be partly to blame, as young couples struggling to get a foothold in life may be putting off the expense of a wedding.

Former First Lady Cornelia Wallace Dies At 69
NBC13.com, AL - 7 hours ago
Just 16 months after their wedding Governor Wallace was shot. The assassination attempt left Wallace paralyzed. Fifty-four days later, he left the hospital ...

Bridezillas of TV, movies and real-life
Fort Worth Star Telegram, TX - 5 hours ago
Bridezilla cred: She wrote a book about how to re-create her wedding, but before you order it, note that the marriage didnâ€™t last five years and Simpson ...

marriage wedding - Google News

Your Ad Here

Trust in Marriage

Marriage & Wedding Marriage & Wedding