Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex

Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex

Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex

It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been great sex. If that's your goal, following these twelve suggestions will ensure that, over time, your spouse will become very creative in finding ways to avoid having sex with you.

Of course, I'm writing this article "tongue in cheek" to make a point. But I can assure you that these behaviors will detract from your sexual relationship with your partner. That's because sexual feelings are vulnerable to being affected by so many other factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, criticism, emotional intimacy, and pressure.

So here are the behaviors guaranteed to be "turn offs" to your spouse. In quote marks is the faulty reasoning that gets marriages into trouble. In parentheses (...), I've added a counterweight to the faulty reasoning.

1. Develop a set routine for when you want to have sex-the same time and same place every week.

"That way, you don't have to wonder when you'll have sex-Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. in the bedroom-just like clock work. No use leaving it to chance, right?"

(How boring. Try adding excitement by surprising your mate with something slightly new and different.)

2. Follow exactly the same "plays" and "moves" each time.

"This way you both know what to expect each time. It's just too much work to come up with different things to try, and after the honeymoon period, it's not really necessary, is it?"

(Instead, remember a variation on the old saying that variety is the spice of life... and of sex).

3. Drink a lot first so that you're loosened up.

"If your mate doesn't like the smell or wishes you wouldn't drink so much before sex, it's just too bad. You can't let your spouse tell you what to do, can you?"

(Consistent and excessive intoxication during sex is a big turn-off and could indicate deeper problems.)

4. Only touch your spouse when your goal is to have sex.

"Save your hugs, wet kisses, and holding hands until you're ready to signal that you want sex. That way your partner will associate your touch with sex and know what to expect, get my drift? Cuts down on misunderstandings, doesn't it?"

(Actually, the best sex can be the result of hours or even days of buildup with no obvious sign of sex on the horizon. During this time, any sign of affection - a touch, a hug, some compliments - can be powerful foreplay that builds to ignite passion.)

5. Expect your spouse to deliver the sexual goods because you're married.

"Your mate knows that every 'good' marriage partner owes sex to the other partner as part of his or her 'duties.' After all, isn't this supposed to be one of the benefits of being married?"

(When sex becomes an obligation, it becomes as appealing as paying taxes. Instead, if your goal is to make the experience breathtaking for your partner, you'll never have to invoke guilt or obligation to get sex.)

6. Push for sex even if your spouse seems reluctant and uninterested as long as he or she says "okay."

"If the verbal agreement is there, ignore the behavioral signals that indicate reluctance. If your spouse didn't really want to have sex, he or she should have said so up front, right?"

(Pay close attention to your mate's body language. That can be more revealing of true interest in sex than words alone. You'll damage your relationship if you forge ahead when your partner only agrees just to get it over with.)

7. Skip foreplay and get to the major action immediately.

"It takes too much time to bother with all that extra stuff. Besides, both of you have to go to work in the morning and need your sleep. You can't afford to waste time."

(The truth is, there is often a direct correlation to the amount of foreplay with the quality of the sex. The better the buildup, the better the payoff.)

8. Criticize your spouse's sexual performance.

"After all, you're only trying to motivate your mate to be a better sexual partner. It's not healthy to keep things in, so he or she will just have to listen to your critique."

(You will get more satisfying performance out of your mate by praising what he or she does that you like, rather than the contrary.)

9. Criticize your spouse's physical appearance.

"If your partner has developed a beer belly or gotten flabby, you're doing him or her a favor to say how much that turns you off. It'll motivate your spouse to lose weight and shape up, which will help him or her in the long run."

(The rule is: use positive strokes to motivate your partner. Negative criticism will poison your sex life.)

10. Answer your cell phone during sex.

"You just never know; this call might be important. Anyway, what's the big deal? It's not like you'll never have sex again. You've been having sex for years now, so why should your partner get upset with an occasional interruption?"

(Respect your partner with your undivided attention to get back the same. Minimize all distractions if possible.)

11. Get it over with as fast as possible as long as you're satisfied.

"Don't ask your partner if there's anything you can do for him or her. Just assume that everything's okay unless your mate says something."

(If satisfaction is not mutual, your sex life will suffer. The simple question a couple can ask each other - "How can I please you?" - works wonders.)

12. Jump up immediately and make your get-away afterwards.

"The faster you get finished, the faster you'll be able to get to sleep. There's no time to waste just lying there talking. You can talk tomorrow over breakfast."

(Emotional closeness is the currency of intimacy and you can achieve it by allowing each other to share honest feelings. Pillow talk after sex is one of the best times for this.)

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

In The News:

Washington Post
‘Bride Wars’ is a failed marriage | 1 ½ stars
Kansas City Star, MO - 15 hours ago
And their mutual friends will have to decide which wedding to attend. All would be well if only one of them would cancel (or if they would agree to a double ...
Video: Ann Hathaway's Stellar Year CBS
'Bride Wars' stars Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are funny allies Los Angeles Times
'Bride Wars' A Marriage Of Mediocrity Tampa Tribune
Boston Globe - Washington Postall 803 news articles

Downtown Express
Manhattan's new Marriage Bureau earns wows as a place to say your vows
New York Daily News, NY - Jan 8, 2009
On Wednesday, Roney witnessed the new Manhattan Marriage Bureau’s first wedding ceremony, between Carlos Sanchez, 27, and Jennifer Avila, 22, from Sunnyside ...
Eloping to Vegas? Why Not Lower Manhattan? New York Times
NY hears wedding bells, aims to compete with Vegas The Associated Press
Wedding Bells Ring In NYC Marriage Bureau WNYC
Downtown Express - Gothamistall 254 news articles

Boston Globe
"Not Easily Broken" a thinly disguised sermon
Reuters - 1 hour ago
Wedding-day dreams have taken several unexpected turns when we catch up with Dave (Morris Chestnut) and Clarice (Taraji P. Henson). They live an extremely, ...
Movie review: Cliches nag 'Not Easily Broken' San Francisco Chronicle
Not Easily Broken ( ** ) AHN
Movie Review: ‘Not Easily Broken’ is a romantic soap opera that ... Providence Journal
Chicago Daily Herald - Pittsburgh Post Gazetteall 86 news articles

FOR FAMILIES: A guide for parents to Jan. 9 and earlier releases
Chicago Tribune, United States - 12 hours ago
By Roger Moore | Tribune Newspapers What it's about: Best friends become dueling brides when they both book the wedding they've always dreamed of in the ...

Wearing white and eating cake, Brides magazine turns 75
The Canadian Press, NEW YORK - 23 hours ago
"The magazine is realistic about how people's lives are today, but still the focus is how to have a successful wedding and start a healthy marriage," says ...

Wedding war: Las Vegas versus New York
KVBC, NV - 10 hours ago
The city has renovated it marriage bureau and even built a 24000-square-foot wedding complex with the hope of becoming the most popular wedding site. ...

New York Magazine
City to Make Your Shotgun Marriage Just That Much Nicer
New York Magazine, USA - Jan 7, 2009
Photo: Getty Images Perhaps sensing the economic downturn (and having eventually watched the Sex and the City movie), the city spruced up its civil-wedding ...

MLive.com
Bay County gets older, refrains from marriage, likes guns ...
MLive.com, MI - 21 hours ago
Luczak said economics could be partly to blame, as young couples struggling to get a foothold in life may be putting off the expense of a wedding.

Former First Lady Cornelia Wallace Dies At 69
NBC13.com, AL - 6 hours ago
Just 16 months after their wedding Governor Wallace was shot. The assassination attempt left Wallace paralyzed. Fifty-four days later, he left the hospital ...

Bridezillas of TV, movies and real-life
Fort Worth Star Telegram, TX - 5 hours ago
Bridezilla cred: She wrote a book about how to re-create her wedding, but before you order it, note that the marriage didn’t last five years and Simpson ...

marriage wedding - Google News

Your Ad Here

Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex

Marriage & Wedding Marriage & Wedding