Wedding Etiquette for the Best Man, Groomsmen, and Ushers

Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Wedding Etiquette for the Best Man, Groomsmen, and Ushers

Wedding Etiquette for the Best Man, Groomsmen, and Ushers

Undoubtedly, the groom will want to choose a few good men-often his brothers, college buddies, and best friends-to carry out all of the responsibilities traditionally assigned to the guys. Once your fiancé has picked his team, he'll have to give them a few pointers on just what their roles and responsibilities are, so here's the lowdown.

A Friend in Deed

Let's start with the best man (the head groomsman) since his role is so crucial. The best man is an all-purpose kind of guy-friend, organizer, coach, confidant-with a lot of responsibilities.

In general, he must make sure that the wedding goes off without a hitch. When the groom feels stressed, he is ready with encouragement and a good sense of humor.

Traditionally, it is the best man who is in charge of organizing the bachelor party and making all travel arrangements for the bride and groom. He makes sure the groom and other groomsmen get fitted for and pick up their formalwear. He is also expected to supervise the other groomsmen and ushers, serve as an official witness to the vows, safeguards the ring and marriage license just before the wedding, and pay the clergyman's fee (which the groom quietly slips to him before the ceremony).

After the ceremony, he makes sure the wedding party lines up properly for the "wedding parade" through town, if one is planned. At the reception, he serves as the master of ceremonies, proposes the first toast, and remains on hand to ensure that all subsequent speeches are both short and sweet. His final duty is to return all the rented tuxes.

INCIDENTAL-In case it should happen that several notable people would like to offer a toast, here is the order of the speakers: best man, groom's dad, bride's dad, groom, bride, maid of honor, groom's mom, bride's mom, other friends and relatives.

And a Few Good Men

Of course, the other groomsmen or ushers are also important members of the wedding party. The are, in effect, the couples hospitality committee. Although groomsmen often do double-duty-serving as ushers before and after the ceremony-in may cases, at large weddings, for example, there are two sets of men: groomsmen and ushers. (The general rule is one usher for every 50 guests.) In these instances, it is the ushers who seat the guests, and it is they who make the first impression on guests as they arrive.

Ushers greet the guests and escort them on the proper side of the church. As tradition would have it, when a female guest arrives (whether she is alone or not), one of the ushers should step forward, extend his right arm, and escort her to her seat, followed by her spouse or date. (I am in favor of the more modern sentiment which suggests that this approach is incompatible with the whole concept of marriage and that the husband should not be relegated to trailing behind this temporary pair.)

Before walking toward the pews, the usher should ask which side of the church she would like to be seated on, the bride's or groom's. Generally, the right side of the church is reserved for the guests of the groom. Her relatives and friends are usually escorted to the right.

In a Jewish ceremony, this seating arrangement is reversed. And if one side appears to be filling up and the other side has noticeably few occupants, then this rule should be abandoned for the sake of appearances.

Incidentally, in keeping with the spirit of the occasion, ushers should not escort guests to their seats in total silence, as if this were a solemn affair.

This is a time for a few casual and friendly, yet dignified and quiet remarks.

Pews are filled from front to back, leaving the first several reserved for family members and close friends of the bride and groom. Just minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin, two of the ushers should escort the groom's mother and then the bride's mother to their seats. After the ceremony, they escort these ladies down the aisle.

It is the groomsmen who should be available to assist the bride's mother with any last minute details. Just before the bride makes her entrance, they should unroll the aisle runner. Another important duty of these men of chivalry is to arrange for transportation of the bridesmaids to the wedding site.

After the ceremony, as everyone heads off to the reception, it is their responsibility to ensure that no one is left behind. And, because they are largely responsible for making sure that a good time is had by all, they are expected to introduce guests to each other.

Modern day armor

What the groomsmen wear is largely determined by the formality or informality of the ceremony, and to a lesser extent by considerations such as location and time of day.

These days, most grooms, groomsmen and ushers rent their formalwear. The groom and his men should order their tuxes at least three months before the wedding. If possible, they should select a local shop, just in case last minute alterations are needed.

The groom and his men usually wear the same attire. To set himself apart, the groom may select a different colored tie, vest, pocket square, or boutonniere.

Sometimes the groom will present a memorable gift, such as cufflinks, studs or, if he can afford to splurge, monogrammed shirts, to be worn by these men of honor at the wedding. Given all that they are expected to do, the groom should indeed go out of his way to show his appreciation, even in advance, for a job well done.

About the Author

Jean Bachcroft is a former public relations director, founder of Bachcroft and Aloha Labels, and the publisher and editor-in-chief of Town and Country Shopping Bargains Magazine. For designer wedding, holiday, and year-round mailing and return address labels, visit Bachcroft Mailing and Return Address Labels and Aloha Return Address Labels

For bargains and bargain shopping articles, visit Town and Country Shopping Bargains.

In The News:

Sydney Morning Herald
â€˜Bride Warsâ€™ is a failed marriage | 1 Â½ stars
Kansas City Star, MO - 15 hours ago
And their mutual friends will have to decide which wedding to attend. All would be well if only one of them would cancel (or if they would agree to a double ...
Video: Ann Hathaway's Stellar Year CBS
'Bride Wars' stars Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are funny allies Los Angeles Times
'Bride Wars' A Marriage Of Mediocrity Tampa Tribune
Boston Globe - Washington Postall 811 news articles

Downtown Express
Manhattan's new Marriage Bureau earns wows as a place to say your vows
New York Daily News, NY - Jan 8, 2009
On Wednesday, Roney witnessed the new Manhattan Marriage Bureauâ€™s first wedding ceremony, between Carlos Sanchez, 27, and Jennifer Avila, 22, from Sunnyside ...
Eloping to Vegas? Why Not Lower Manhattan? New York Times
NY hears wedding bells, aims to compete with Vegas The Associated Press
Wedding Bells Ring In NYC Marriage Bureau WNYC
Downtown Express - Gothamistall 254 news articles

New York Times
"Not Easily Broken" a thinly disguised sermon
Reuters - 1 hour ago
Wedding-day dreams have taken several unexpected turns when we catch up with Dave (Morris Chestnut) and Clarice (Taraji P. Henson). They live an extremely, ...
Movie review: Cliches nag 'Not Easily Broken' San Francisco Chronicle
Not Easily Broken ( ** ) AHN
Movie Review: â€˜Not Easily Brokenâ€™ is a romantic soap opera that ... Providence Journal
Chicago Daily Herald - Pittsburgh Post Gazetteall 85 news articles

FOR FAMILIES: A guide for parents to Jan. 9 and earlier releases
Chicago Tribune, United States - 12 hours ago
By Roger Moore | Tribune Newspapers What it's about: Best friends become dueling brides when they both book the wedding they've always dreamed of in the ...

Wearing white and eating cake, Brides magazine turns 75
The Canadian Press, NEW YORK - 23 hours ago
"The magazine is realistic about how people's lives are today, but still the focus is how to have a successful wedding and start a healthy marriage," says ...

Wedding war: Las Vegas versus New York
KVBC, NV - 11 hours ago
The city has renovated it marriage bureau and even built a 24000-square-foot wedding complex with the hope of becoming the most popular wedding site. ...

New York Magazine
City to Make Your Shotgun Marriage Just That Much Nicer
New York Magazine, USA - Jan 7, 2009
Photo: Getty Images Perhaps sensing the economic downturn (and having eventually watched the Sex and the City movie), the city spruced up its civil-wedding ...

MLive.com
Bay County gets older, refrains from marriage, likes guns ...
MLive.com, MI - 21 hours ago
Luczak said economics could be partly to blame, as young couples struggling to get a foothold in life may be putting off the expense of a wedding.

Former First Lady Cornelia Wallace Dies At 69
NBC13.com, AL - 7 hours ago
Just 16 months after their wedding Governor Wallace was shot. The assassination attempt left Wallace paralyzed. Fifty-four days later, he left the hospital ...

Bridezillas of TV, movies and real-life
Fort Worth Star Telegram, TX - 5 hours ago
Bridezilla cred: She wrote a book about how to re-create her wedding, but before you order it, note that the marriage didnâ€™t last five years and Simpson ...

marriage wedding - Google News

Your Ad Here

Wedding Etiquette for the Best Man, Groomsmen, and Ushers

Marriage & Wedding Marriage & Wedding