Wedding Planning: Involve your Fiancé in 10 Easy Steps

He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And now, you're swimming in a sea of euphoria with no horizons. Good thing, too, because there are literally a thousand things to arrange before the big day.

You do the research, buckle under and dive in. But you find your fiancé's ardor for the event itself seems to have cooled. It's not that he isn't mad about marrying you; after all, he is a great guy, even if he can't tell a Vera Wang from a Gunny Sack. It's that his preparation style is hands-off, to say the least. And planning a wedding isn't a job built for one.

So what to do? Here are ten ways to involve him without increasing both of your stress loads:

1) Delegate areas that have a prayer of interesting him.

The worst thing you can do is expect him to match your ten to twenty years of feminine wisdom on the relative merits of buttercream vs. fondant.

Here are some probable no areas when roping in a reluctant wedding planner:

- Selecting the cake frosting
- Choosing the favors or favor packaging
- Selecting the wedding colors or floral arrangements

Then there are the potential maybes, fraught with fewer hazards:

- Choosing the photographer
- Choosing the videographer
- Arranging the rehearsal dinner
- Arranging the all-inclusive honeymoon
- Renting big, tricky items like outdoor tents

These are probable yeses, well worth running by your guy:

- Selecting the DJ or the band
- Setting up and maintaining your wedding website
- Researching and selecting charities, if you choose to donate instead of giving out favors
- Setting up the carriage, limo or other transportation arrangements

2) If you ask him to help you choose vendors and styles, narrow down the choices first.

It's a jungle of options out there, enough to give the most natural-born party planner pause. So if you want his opinion on photographers, invites, flowers or cakes, narrow down the options to three or four. He's less likely to feel overwhelmed, and more likely to feel like an important part of the process.

At times, it'll feel so good to share the load that you'll be tempted to drag him into the buttercream debate despite your better instincts. At these times, take a deep breath, count to ten, and call your mother or your maid of honor.

3) Ask him directly for help.

Let him know how important his input is to you, and that you can't do it without him.

Guys like to be needed. Your frank request for help may be enough to pull him out of his comfort zone and onto your team.

4) Try the Art Director/Production Staff approach.

If you think your guy wants to help, but feels uncomfortable playing "art director," give him "production staff" tasks. Have him make the payments, pick up the food or decor, handle the rentals, do online comparison shopping, or reserve the hotels and reception halls. These are all jobs that will take a load off your shoulders, while freeing up time for the aesthetic stuff you probably enjoy and he doesn't.

5) Get a calendar and put all the planning in black and white.

Your fiancé probably doesn't have the first clue in what goes into a wedding.

Get your wedding planner, write it all down, and show him. Once he gets over the shock, you'll both probably be able to identify areas that interest him. Make lists of the things you've each agreed to do, and cross them off as they get done. At the very least, he'll be far more supportive when he sees what you're going through.

6) Weave his family heritage/ethnicity/traditions into the ceremony.

What did his parents do? He might be surprised at the question, but it could lead somewhere valuable. He might ask his parents about their wedding, and find your wedding consequently enriched. Look through their wedding album together. Are his ancestors German, Polish, Italian, Croatian, Asian? Incorporate some old-world traditions into your ceremony.

7) Don't bring him in too early.

Treat your fiance as a bit of a pinch hitter. Sure, you may be fully aware that you can shave 5K off your costs by starting your favor crafts and reservations 18 months ahead of time. But if he's like most guys, the wedding won't become real to him until it draws closer. Expect him to jump in about six months before the actual ceremony, and break into a (relative) frenzy of activity about one month in advance.

8) Talk about something besides the wedding.

Guys aren't the only ones who complain about brides-to-be talking of nothing but upcoming nuptials. Sometimes, even girlfriends get overwhelmed by all the wedding chatter.

Spend some time alone chatting about anything but the wedding. See a silly movie, split a hot fudge sundae, or watch a basketball game. Do something spontaneous that reminds you both of why you decided to marry in the first place.

9) Check your subtext for hidden meanings.

Tempting as it might be, make sure you're not using your fiance as a coin-toss tool (ever noticed how people flip coins to find out what they really want?). When you ask for his opinion, take it seriously. And when you give him ownership of a task, don't second-guess every step.

Imagine that your fiancé has told you he's going to draft a dream team in his fantasy football league, and it's going to cost him $20K to participate. Now imagine that he's told you your help is supremely important to him.

You'd be a little hesitant to give opinions, right? Some of your ideas might sound feeble, even to your own ears. Hopefully he'd welcome your thoughts, however odd it felt for you to venture them. Now imagine your fiancé feels kind of like that when it comes to the wedding.

10) Remember that men become wedding experts by having one.

Chances are, your sweetheart will open his eyes to the wonder of a wedding by the time the rose petals are tossed. Forever after, he'll be examining friend's receptions with a practiced eye, and anticipating the next excuse for a Really Big Shindig.

So keep him around, and count on throwing a first-rate anniversary celebration ten years down the road. In a way, that'll be the party that really matters, won't it?

Blake Kritzberg is editor at "FavorIdeas.com." Stop by for wedding favor ideas, Save-the-Date eCards, free wedding screensaver, free wedding templates and Bridezilla's weekly adventures at: http://www.favorideas.com

---

Marriage Tips: Breathe Your Way to a Happier Marriage

One way to increase your chances of enjoying a happy marriage is to remember to breathe deeply. Are you surprised by this recommendation? You're probably not the... Read More

Honeymooning on the Waves

Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the ultimate romantic date. You can't be much more together alone than when you're separated from the rest... Read More

Write An Apology To Your Spouse: How to Apologize In a Way That Really Works For You

Being apologetic doesn't come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate and self-centered does. So I realized long ago that my marital survival would depend on two things:... Read More

Jewish Wedding Rings - Traditions and Customs and How to Buy Smart

In a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, Jewish wedding rings play a very important role. In Jewish law, a verbal declaration is not enough to be married.According to... Read More

Rockland: Maines BestKept Secret for A Wedding Destination

In 2004' Rockland Maine celebrated its 150th anniversary, yet very few in the past would have ever considered it to be a place for a vacation, let... Read More

Wedding Planning: Prioritize to Stay Within Your Wedding Budget

So you're planning your wedding and a thousand decisions must be made! It can be an exciting, but tiring experience to pull off the wedding of your... Read More

Wedding Videography - When Getting it Right on the 1st Take Counts, Hire a Professional

Getting married is one of the most stressful events anyone will ever endure. So many details and preparations go into the making of a successful wedding. Often... Read More

Atlanta Wedding Receptions

The beginning of the journey of two souls begins with their vows on their wedding day and thus a wedding should be perfect, flawless and blissful. Everything... Read More

Wedding Photography: Preserving the Memories

A person's wedding can be one of the most important times in their life. They will have memories that they want to treasure forever and then pass... Read More

Basic Tips for Planning a Wedding

Planning a wedding should be fun and exciting. However, if you don't do the proper research and stay within your budget things can go bad in a... Read More

Gatlinburg Honeymoon Packages

Gatlinburg in Tennessee is the city with streets of art galleries and quaint shops selling local arts and crafts. It is also home to the world-renowned Arrowmont... Read More

Wedding Planning 101: Create a Wedding Planner

Did your wonderful husband-to-be recently "pop the question" and now you are wondering what on earth you have gotten yourself into with trying to plan a wedding?... Read More

Selecting Mens Formalwear For The Wedding

Have you ever noticed that weddings seem to be all about the bride? There's information available for the wedding dress, shoes, makeup and accessories. But...what about the... Read More

Unhappy Marriage: Should You Stay or Leave?

There's no one simple answer to the question that I'm often asked, "Should I stay in my marriage, even though I'm unhappy, or should I leave?" It's... Read More

Whats a Goldfish Doing at a Wedding?

Time was when you'd open a wedding invitation you'd find an understated high quality piece of parchment, with an uncompromisingly clear font, requesting, ever so formally, the... Read More

Which Came First, Love or Marriage?

I came across an article today: LOVE AND MARRIAGE THE TORAH'S CRITERIA by Rivka Olenick.It helped me think about my own marriage, and the way that many... Read More

The Definition of Love

I saw real love while working at a cozy, candle-lit Italian restaurant with great ambiance and really delicious food.Real love made its appearance every Wednesday night, when... Read More

Wedding Invitatation RSVP Cards

When it comes to response/RSVP cards, the goal is to get a response. Whether selecting a card with a self-addressed, either by hand or computer printed labels,... Read More

Help Your Marriage Survive The Rough Spots

Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods. Even in the best of circumstances, there are going to be difficult times.People change.Circumstances change.Emotions change.Over time,... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 6

It wasn't the wedding of the century. Six people in all arrived at St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York to watch the young man and woman exchange... Read More

Wedding Planning: Tips for Choosing Online Wedding Vendors

If you're looking to the internet for help with your wedding plans, you're sure to benefit from the wealth of organizational and comprehensive wedding tips, ideas, tools... Read More

Dealing With Your Spouses Sexual Past

"Couples who've had sex before marriage will inevitably have sexual difficulties in marriage."That's what Joe Beam, marriage expert and president of Family Dynamics Institute, said to a... Read More

Chocolate Wedding Favors

Providing chocolate as a wedding favor has been a time honored tradition for many centuries. The practice of distributing wedding favors began with the European upper classes,... Read More

Planning a Special Wedding Shower

The wedding shower is a traditional party of the marriage process. Often times the bridal party, or the people who have been asked to be in the... Read More

To Stay Married, Keep Dating

One of my favorite memories from last year was not watching my young daughters rip into their Christmas presents, or seeing them perform in the school talent... Read More

How to Lower a Wedding Cake Price

I recall how Mrs. Ingridman taught me invaluable lessons on how to lower a wedding cake price while still going for the classiest of cakes. After her... Read More