10 Universal Laws for Parents of Teens

1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after music and the phone) is a strong sense of belonging. They need to feel they are a part of something bigger than themselves. If they don't get it in a healthy place - with family, worthwhile friends, clubs, sports, youth groups, etc. - they will get it in an unhealthy place - with inappropriate friends, drugs, gangs or cults.

2 "Law of Hope": Recent statistics show that one of the age groups in which the suicide rate is rising is adolescents. This is the direct result of a lack of hope - hope for the future, hope that things will get better.

3 "Law of Power": Once you enter into a power struggle with a teen, you have already lost it. Remember the closing line of the movie War Games: "Interesting game . . . the only winning move is not to play."

4 "Law of Management": A management approach to raising teens puts parents clearly in charge. The goal is to manage them eventually out of your lives and into their own. Parenting is one of those jobs in which the goal is to eliminate the need for your job.

5 "Law of Modeling": If you don't want your teen doing something, make sure you are not doing it yourself. Teens have very strong and sensitive hypocrisy meters and are eager to use them.

6 "Law of Differing Views": It's no great insight that parents and teens view the world in different ways. One clear example of this is school. For parents, the view is we work all day, kids don't. School is their job. Therefore, they should get good grades. The view of teenagers can be that school is right in the middle of their important social world.

7 "Law of Punishment": Punishment often springs from anger. Punishment breeds resentment and a desire for revenge. Teens have many creative ways to retaliate.

8 "Law of Consequences": Consequences teach teens about the real world. In general, consequences need to be reasonable, respectful, swift and strong enough to get the attention of teens.

9 "Law of Structure": Parents need to set boundaries and structure from day one. If you don't do this while they are young, what makes you think they will obey a curfew once they have a car? We tend to over structure the time of young children and understructure the time of teens. Teenagers need structure as much, if not more, than younger children.

10 "Law of W's": When teens are away from home, parents need to know who they are with, where they are, what they are doing, and what time they will be back.

Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist specializing in working with teenagers and their parents. A nationally syndicated relationship columnist and speaker, Jeff is also the founder and CEO of http://www.ParentingYourTeenager.com, where you can subscribe to his f'ree internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager." E-mail Jeff at jeff@parentingyourteenager.com

---

When A Parent Is Deployed

When a parent is deployed with the military it can be very traumatic for the children left behind. Having things for them to do, that makes them... Read More

Kids: Channeling Mania Towards Productivity

More and more kids these days are diagnosed ADD, ADHD, or Bipolar. There are biological reasons for this, and there are environmental elements which can soothe or... Read More

Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen

Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working with your teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives, then... Read More

Should The Dad-To-Be Attend The Birth?

Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and down outside the labor room and would be admitted only after the birth. Modern practice is to... Read More

Childrens Allowance

When we consider that the word allowance means, "allowing for," it puts that "A" word into better perspective.Children will need access to their own stash of cash... Read More

Top Ten Reasons to Hold Family Meetings

1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a closer family.In this very busy world, designating this time every week is one way to ensure that... Read More

Dexedrine, Cylert, and Adderall in the Treatment of ADHD

Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of ADHD out here in California, but those patients that we've seen on it have done well. Typically... Read More

Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-Up and ADHD Students

Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate themselves to our children! We know how difficult it can be working with ADHD children, so here... Read More

Breastfeeding, Its My Right

My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I want to thank my Mommy and Daddy for choosing breastmilk as my only food for my first... Read More

How to Deal with Your Child?s Inappropriate Behaviour

Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted if their behaviour is mostly positive. But what if your child constantly demonstrates negative behaviour? How are... Read More

Visiting the Library

Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning and discovery for everyone. Ask at the library about getting a library card in your child's name... Read More

Stop Lying NOW

Do you have a consistent problem with your child lying to you, even though he or she is normally a "good" child? Sometimes the lies are even... Read More

Sharing Books with Children

One of my first memories of childhood is that of my mother reading Dr. Seuss books to me in a big brown recliner in our living room.... Read More

The Laid Back Parents Guide to Teaching Your Child to Read

At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy Parent's Guide" but then I realized that most parents aren't lazy, but they may have a slightly... Read More

Frequently Asked Questions About Reading To Your Child

Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you feel he or she should be starting to read, but they have no interest in books whatsoever?... Read More

You Dont Need a Supernanny to Be an Active Parent

The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been joined by a similar nanny-to-the-rescue show called "Supernanny." These shows depict families in which the children are... Read More

Powerful Tips for Increasing Your Childs Self-Esteem

Here is a list of ways to convey the message "You are worthwhile" to your children. This list could fill a hundred newsletters, since the ways to... Read More

Understanding Why Your Child Has Been Recommended for Testing

You have just received a call from your child's teacher explaining that she has noticed your child having difficulty in school. Your child is not understanding math... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. This impulsivity is the result of the brain's decreased ability to inhibit. There is... Read More

Be Serious With Your Child Future

As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your child for the future , physically emotionally and mentally.The first big Intellectual Challenge your child will face... Read More

What You Can Learn About Life From Your Children

You can learn a lot from children.The best part of all is the advice is priceless.Walls looked so much better when they are decorated with artwork. Markers... Read More

Remember The Generation Gap?

The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children is as old as.. well, parents having children. It's not an easy job, either for the parent... Read More

Teach Your Children About the Importance of Water

The Flow of WaterWater is essential for life on the Planet, we all know this, water holds a very special place for us for that very reason.... Read More

End Homework Battles

Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and you'll likely hear that it is the difficulty they face in getting their kids to do homework.... Read More

A Dangerous Environment

The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't even begin to believe that your child is safe. There are more dangers than you can possibly... Read More

Family Meetings Are Now On The Agenda

"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many parents when they hear the M word mentioned. Parents tend to associate meetings with the workplace rather... Read More