Empty Nest Syndrome

Paula's last child had just gone off to college and Paula was struggling with a deep inner emptiness. While she knew this day was coming, she was not really prepared for the intense hollowness that welled up within. After all, she had a life of her own. Her work as an occupational therapist, which she had gone back to after all her three children were in school, was fulfilling to her. She was fortunate in having been able to schedule her time to be home when her children came home from school so she could take them to their various activities. Paula had been a loving and devoted mother and was very proud of her children. She had been looking forward to this time for herself and her husband, but now that it was here, Paula felt lost.

It's not that she didn't have things she loved to do. She was a talented and athletic woman and had many creative and physical activities that she enjoyed. She and her husband had a good relationship with a wide circle of friends they often spent social time with. So, why this emptiness?

Paula sought my help when she realized that she was slipping into depression.

"I just can't figure out what's wrong," she stated in our first session together. "My marriage is fine, my work is fine, I have lots of friends and activities I enjoy. I don't understand why I'm feeling so unhappy."

I asked Paula to tune inside to the unhappy part of her and let this part of her speak. "Imagine that the unhappy part of you is a child within. There is some very good reason this inner child is feeling so unhappy, and you need to ask her. Start out with asking her how she feels about you as the inner parent."

Paula asked and was quite surprised at the answer. "You never want to know how I feel," her inner child complained. "You always wanted to know how the children felt, and you were always there for their feelings, but not for mine. You spend your time in ways you think make us happy, but you never ask me about it. While the kids were growing up, you were able to ignore my sadness, but you can't ignore me anymore. I'm here, and I need you to pay attention to me."

"I don't get this," said Paula, "What does this unhappy part of me want me to do?"

"Ask her," I stated.

Paula asked and the answer came. "Our work and all our activities are fine, but I need something deeper. I've been wanting you to open to something spiritual, but you haven't listened to me."

"I have tried going back to church, but that doesn't seem to be doing it for me. This does seem to be some kind of spiritual emptiness, but I don't know what to do about it."

Paula had never taken the time to develop a personal relationship with God. While she believed in a Higher Power, it was something "out there", not something she connected with and brought into her heart and soul. Her soul was missing the sense of deep connection and inner fullness that comes from having a personal relationship with a spirit source of love and guidance, as well as with her own inner feelings. While her children were filling this empty space, she didn't deal with it, but now that they were gone, it was time to face the emptiness that had always been there but had been covered up with mothering.

I asked Paula to close her eyes and imagine a wise and loving spiritual being, perhaps her own highest self, perhaps a relative who had died that she loved, perhaps a religious figure she felt connected with, or an image of a teacher, mentor, or guardian angel. She was able to imagine an angelic Presence that made her feel very loved and safe.

"Now bring the love from this Presence into your heart and then down into the empty place within. Imagine that you are loving the child within in the same way you have loved your children, hearing your inner child's feelings and needs in the same way you did with your children. If you also open to learning with this Presence about what is loving to your inner child, and then take the loving action for yourself, you will start to fill that emptiness within you. Are you willing to try this?"

Paula was very willing to learn to create the deeper connection with Self and with Spirit. She reported to me a few weeks later that she was no longer feeling depressed. Her "empty nest" was now being filled with her inner and spiritual connection.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

---

Teenagers in America Today

"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in the newspaper. That's the name of my radio program here in California's central valley. It was interesting... Read More

The Seven Keys of Being a Father

Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson maintains that adults have a fierce desire to protect and nurture the next generation. This is the... Read More

Raising Boys

The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness of the issues surrounding boys in most of the western world. It is common knowledge that boys... Read More

A Legacy For Dakota

Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It is by Lee Ann Womak. I love that song. When I hear it, it always reminds me... Read More

Water Hazards For Young Children

Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools, other bodies of water, and standing water around the home area. Children must be watched by an... Read More

Youth In A Changing World

IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young child will in no time at all grow up to become a resposible future leader if he... Read More

Co-sleeping, a personal story

When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some fairly fixed ideas about how we wanted to raise our child, including allowing her to share our... Read More

Parents of Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers: 7 Universal Laws

1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to keep in mind that we are raising our teenager while we raise our toddler. They are essentially... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Of Course You Can Search Your Teens Room

Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we wonder whether he's doing more stuff. We have reason to believe he has been hiding drugs in... Read More

The Effects of Televised Sexual Content on Adolescents

According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation, "Adolescents who watch large amounts of television containing sexual content are twice as likely to begin engaging... Read More

Childrens Allowance

When we consider that the word allowance means, "allowing for," it puts that "A" word into better perspective.Children will need access to their own stash of cash... Read More

Eye-Opening Questions for Working Parents to Ask

I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted cookie while I was carrying him out of the bakery. I asked him, "Can you give mommy... Read More

A Night Out For Mom & Dad

Is your babysitter watching the kids and your k9 family member?It is Saturday night and you have planned for a babysitter to entertain and care for your... Read More

Top Three Ways To Communicate With Your Child

Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain an open line of communication between themselves and their children, regardless of age, there are three quite... Read More

How Public Schools Assault Parents Values

Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking drugs, premarital sex, insulting your parents, pornography, irresponsibility, or getting pregnant in junior high school? Not according... Read More

A New School Year

Depending on where you live school will be starting this month or next month. A new school year is usually exciting and scary at the same time.... Read More

Help Your Child Do Better in School

1. Create a personal schedule Recording everything that must be done on a calendar or... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids

Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children is the best way to ensure that they live a happy, successful, and responsible life as an... Read More

Positive Parenting of Teenagers: Helping Your Teen Understand What I Cant Afford It Means

Because most teens have not had the experience of getting to the end of the money before the end of the month, the words, ``I can't afford... Read More

My Dads Secrets

From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun to understand my dad since I became a father myself, and it's amazing to me how I'm... Read More

The Disadvantages of Home Schooling

"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home schooling your children? While you may have focused on the advantages of this form of education, take... Read More

Help Your Children to Love Reading

It is so important to create an environment that promotes the love of reading. Not only is reading necessary for survival in today's world, it is educational,... Read More

Im a Mom, Shes a Mom: Being an Adult with Your Parents

On one of her quarterly visits to see her grandson, my three-year-old son, my mother ignores the available front seat of the car, crowds into the back... Read More

Help Your Kids Learn More About Managing Their Personal Economy

Remember when cash was a tangible commodity in all of our personal economies? As kids, we went to the bank, shopped with our parents and frequently watched... Read More

Where Is Your Homework, Lisa?

Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in public schools, but for what seems like 100 years, I did. During my long career, I did... Read More

Exposing the Damage: TV and Kids

There are millions of young children in this country who are being terribly mistreated by their parents.These parents aren't physically abusing their young children, and they may... Read More