Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers

There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques out there. Many of them are widely used and treated as the gospel. But if you want to be an effective father, you can skip most of them and concentrate on common sense rules that have always worked. They won't always make you the most popular Dad, but they'll always be effective:

Rule #1 Expect a Great Deal From Your Kids

If your kids know that you expect a lot from them, they'll rise to the occasion. Everything from saying please and thank-you, to efforts in school or on the athletic field. If expectations are made clear in a loving atmosphere, your kids will know you think a lot of them. And when they know this, they'll respond.

Rule #2 Always Be Willing To Be Part of the Problem

When you're convinced that someone in your family is causing the problems and you're blaming them for it, you better realize that this problem won't get better until you accept that you're making it worse by blaming. It may feel good to blame, but it never improves anything. Only love and acceptance will make a positive difference.

Rule #3 Know Your Child's Life Intimately

It's sad to see how many fathers know the stock market more intimately than their own child. Get to know all you can about your kids. Know what their favorite toys and colors are, who their best friends are, who their heroes are, etc. By showing interest, you're showing you love them. By not asking, you show that they're not that important to you.

Rule #4 Say "No" to Your Kids

There's an awful lot of stuff out there for kids these days...and of course they want to have it all. Kids who get almost everything they want typically aren't very happy kids. Kids learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification when they're told no by their parents. It may be a difficult struggle, but saying no and meaning it will help you to have happy, healthy, and cooperative kids.

Rule #5 Hitting or Spanking Your Kids Doesn't Work

There are plenty of studies showing that kids who are spanked have lower self-esteem. Spanking your kids will also be likely to increase the very kinds of behaviors that you're spanking them for. As a father, do you really want your child to be afraid of you?

Rule #6 Treat Your Partner Extremely Well

This is where your kids get their most important information about relationships between their parents. Make a great effort not to fight in front of the kids. Remember to be kind more often than trying to be right.

Rule #7 Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Many parents spend time threatening their children when their kids aren't cooperating. But if you don't follow through on the consequences, you can threaten till the cows come home. Your children will learn to ignore the threats. They will understand action. If certain privileges are taken away because of their lack of cooperation, they'll learn very quickly that you mean business. Try your best to align the consequences with the action. ( "If you don't clean your room in time, you won't have time for stories before bed.")

Rule #8 Really Listen to Your Kids

Don't just hear their words, but learn to understand the meaning behind what they say as well. "I'm picking my own clothes!" might mean that your child wants more responsibility or independence. Be able to reflect back what your child says to you. If you want your child to listen to you, you absolutely must listen to her/him.

Rule #9 Give Your Kids Responsibility as They Grow Older

When your kids are very young, perhaps they just help make their beds in the morning and keep their rooms clean. As they get older, add things to their list. Tell them that this is how a family works?everybody has certain things that they do. If you do it when they're young, it's more likely they'll do it when they're older. Don't reward them for things that should be expected of them.

Rule #10 Tell Your Kids They're Great All the Time

It's especially important to tell them this when they're not at their best. It's easy to tell them when things are going well! Make it a point to tell them specifically what you think is great about them. This will be more meaningful than generalized praise.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

---

What is Hyperactivity in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a private practice setting are hyperactive kids simply because they get into the most trouble. Their parents are... Read More

Positive Parenting of Teenagers: Helping Your Teen Understand What I Cant Afford It Means

Because most teens have not had the experience of getting to the end of the money before the end of the month, the words, ``I can't afford... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius - Right Brain/Left Brain Coordination

No matter how old your children are, you have an immense power to affect their growth, development and success in life. By actively pursuing activities that contribute... Read More

Second Letter to My Daughter

Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry with me always in my briefcase, it's hard to fathom that the short haired, smiling baby holding... Read More

The Parent Teen Relationship: How Effective is Yours?

It was the homework that did it. Each night became a challenge in how I was going to get my son, a non-academic, to do his homework.... Read More

What the Matter Is

When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my mother with that phrase. I would ask him, "What's the matter?" and he would answer me, "Well,... Read More

How to Prepare for Labor

Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman for the day she delivers her first baby, there are some simple suggestions that should help make... Read More

A New Idea For Kids Party Parties: Hiring A Caricaturist Can Make Your Kids Party A Real Blast!

There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as though Caricature art is the way to go. Parents are seeking out artist to come to their... Read More

End Homework Battles

Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and you'll likely hear that it is the difficulty they face in getting their kids to do homework.... Read More

Are You Meeting ALL Your Childs Basic Needs?

This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware ofthe full extent of their child's basic needs.Do you remember the old song by Lennon and... Read More

Responsible Fatherhood - A Unique And Irreplaceable Role!

Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy. Yet I shouldn't have felt that way!My wife had left for work and I was hanging the... Read More

Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!

We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another parenting practice that can be equally harmful: over-attentiveness.It's possible to be one or the other - or... Read More

Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children

Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just settle down?!" phrase well, and likely use it on a regular basis.There are a number of tips... Read More

Intro to Medications for ADD ADHD

The most common medications used in the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder are stimulant medications. Anti-depressant medications, and even anti-convulsant medications, are sometimes used as well,... Read More

Children Who Talk to Angels

What do you do when your child begins talking to some unseen entity? How do you determine if it's a psychic event, an imaginary playmate, or some... Read More

Jammin with Your Kids: The Wonderful World of Music

Does music need to be "dumbed-down" for kids? The answer became quite clear to me and my husband as we observed how our own child responded to... Read More

Childs Play: Treating The Insanity of the Mental Health System

In today's mental health system there is a pattern of fraud and coercion that takes way the freedoms and dignity of children and their families. Children are... Read More

Aptitude, Achievement, Processing Deficit - What Does It All Mean?

You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning disabilities. They have been explaining what they will be looking for when they test your child. ... Read More

Parental Involvement in Learning

Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when parents become involved in their education. According to the National Institute for Literacy, when parents or other... Read More

Kids and Sports: Fundamentals First

Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was able to count to ten? A geometry text when he began to recognize shapes? War and Peace... Read More

Top Seven Tips for Back-to-School Success

Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These seven tips from http://www.goalsettingforstudents.com explain how to help your child set and achieve goals for... Read More

The Secrets To Improving Childrens Behaviour

Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by one or more of their children's annoying habits or behaviours, whether it is a toddler who continually... Read More

The Mystery of Child Beliefs, Spirit in Children, Understanding Spirtuality in Children

In the wonderment of childhood, it is easier for a child to find Spirit and belief than it is for adults! Tainted with the experiences of the... Read More

Now, They?re Bullying My Daughter in Our Home: Welcome to Cyber-bullying

Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room to see her dad and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow... Read More

Parents Need to Vent Anger! Try These 4 Steps to Serenity

Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called me today and told me a very troubling story. She told me on a T.V. news program... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Avoid Aging Parents Becoming A Burden

By not planning for the future we guarantee that we will leave our children with a tremendous burden. Just about the time they are preparing for their... Read More